Wednesday, August 13, 2008

So What Kind of Kinky are You?

Sex on the Beach Magazine had a nice post asking about folks bedroom behaviors and wondering on the list of kinky where do you stand. Here's a list of the kinkyfied activities they listed:

1.Threesomes or Moresomes

2. Bondage (Taped & Tied)..maybe even nailed!

3. Dominatrix (gettin’ that a$$ spanked and acting on command)

4. Being pissed or $hitted on….

5.Being suffocated or physically beaten

6. Having sex in Public

7. Playing Dress up (Clown, Nurse, Teacher)

8. Transvestite Cravings

9. Sex with Pregnant Women & Non-BabyDaddies

10. Watching other people have sex

Now for me the only things on the list that fall out of my "kink" range would be the shitted on, transvestite cravings, suffocation and (excessive) physical violence and sex while pregnant with someone who isn't your Baby Daddy. I can't tell you how many men hit on me while I was pregnant. I would always say to them, "Doesn't it look like someone got here before you?"

I'm not gonna lie though, I got many a free cab ride and the buses would wait for But I digress. Pretty much everything else on the list falls in the realm of "normal" for me. I don't think too many of the remaining fantasies are too out of the box as far as fantasies go, but I recognize my boundaries aren't everyone else's.

So where do your boundaries lie? Are you into a little S&M? Sex in Public? Do you like to dominate? What kind of kinky are you? Feel free to share anonymously if you're feeling a little shy.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

There are Men You Date and There are Men You Marry

So often we here from men (and other women) that there are women you date and there are women you marry or, to put more crassly, you can't turn a ho into a housewife. Well the same applies to men. There are men you date and there are men you marry or, put another way, you can't turn a hustler into a husband, and as women, we need to stop trying.

By "hustler" I don't mean men who may be involved in illegal activities, I mean men who don't have the emotional maturity, interest or ability to fully commit to one woman and family life. To often women take on the mentality that, "I can change him," or "Love will conquer all." Well I'm sorry to disappoint, but that works in movies and fairytales, there is a reason why they end at "Happily Ever After."

You need to know they type of man you have. All relationships don't have to or should end in marriage. And if the only reason you have for getting married is because you, "love him" then I need you to seriously rethink your decision. Love is but one factor in many that one needs to consider before walking down the aisle. All men, regardless of how much you may love each other, are not ready for marriage and you can't make him ready, that's something he has to do on his own.

So to save yourself a lot of heartache and pain, ask yourself if the man you're with is really husband material. Is he ready to fully commit to you? To family? Will he be able to handle the ups and downs that come with married life? Are you all on the same page on the major issues: sex, finances, children, religion? Have you even talked about these things?

If the answer is no, then have the necessary discussions and if the answers aren't what you need them to be then you know he's a man you date, not one you marry.

Related Posts
Wearing a Man Down is NOT a Marriage Strategy
Note to the Ladies: Keep Your Panties On
Ladies Stop Playing Wife If Your Man is Not Playing Husband

A Little Morning Wood

Yeah I know...but DAMN! LOL. All I gotta say is...Ashanti needs to share. LOL. Feel free to make requests about who should be out next Morning Wood.

Cullen Jones: He's Black and He Swims!

Boy was I surprised when I found out that one of the members of the Olympic gold medal swimming relay team was Black. A Black gold medal swimmer. Freaking Fabulous! From

After participating in one of the greatest swimming races in history, Cullen Jones hopes he has only begun to make an unforgettable impact.

Jones, who once starred as a college swimmer at North Carolina State and now lives in Charlotte, helped set a world record for the United States. in the 4x100 relay Sunday night (EDT). On Monday, with a gold medal gleaming from his neck, he talked about his ideas for using that medal and that extraordinary race as a springboard.

"I've got big plans," Jones said.

Jones, 24, has the sort of big dreams that you want an Olympian to have - something more than endorsements or TV appearances. He imagines swim meets, clinics and speeches to youth groups, all under the umbrella of what he would like to call "The Cullen Jones Diversity Tour." Bank of America gave Jones $10,000 of seed money for it Monday.

Jones is already heavily involved with an organization called "Make a Splash," a national child-focused water safety initiative created by the USA Swimming Foundation ( Jones is mostly concerned not that minority children learn to swim fast, but that they learn to swim, period. A recent study sponsored by USA Swimming showed that 58 percent of black children could not swim, compared to 31 percent of whites.

"Let's say two kids are walking beside a pool and one decides it would be funny to push the other one in," Jones said. "If the one who gets pushed in can swim, yeah, maybe it's funny. If he can't? You've got a real problem."

Bright and beaming with personality, Jones has the gregarious nature cameras love. Although he's one of the best dressers on the U.S. Olympic swim team, he cracked up his Olympic teammates at a training-camp talent show with a dead-on portrayal of TV nerd Steve Urkel.

Since meeting Jones for the first time four months ago, just after he moved to Charlotte, I knew he would be able to command part of the spotlight at the Olympics if he only had the opportunity. Now he does, as the second black U.S. swimmer to win an Olympic gold medal (Anthony Ervin was the first, in 2000).

Jones draws people. When you meet his mother, Debra Jones, you can understand why. She and her late husband spent years ferrying their only child to swim practices.

"It's worth putting the time into your child's passion," Jones said Monday, flashing a smile almost identical to her son's. "Sometimes they don't fit the mold you imagine. Not all kids are going to grow up and be doctors."

Well I'm proud of the brother. Woo Hoo! That 58% number is appalling and anything that can be done to alleviate it, I'm a fan of, so Im hoping Cullen keeps it up and can aspire more little Black kids to get out there and swim competitively.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Breaking News: Issac Hayes Passes at 65

It's been a tough weekend. First Bernie Mac and now Issac Hayes. From MSN:

Soul singer and musician Isaac Hayes has died, according to Memphis TV station WMC-TV. He was 65. The pioneering songwriter's many honors include a Grammy for the theme from "Shaft."

The station's Web site attributes the report to Shelby County Sheriff's Department spokesperson Steve Shular, saying a sheriff's deputy was called to Hayes' home after the singer's wife found him on the floor near a treadmill.

WMC-TV goes on to say Hayes was taken to Baptist East Hospital in Memphis, where he was pronounced dead at 2:08am. An investigation into the death is continuing, the station says.

R.I.P. Mr. Hayes.

Quote of the Day

More die in the United States of too much food than of too little.
~John Kenneth Galbraith, The Affluent Society

Wearing a Man Down is NOT a Marriage Strategy

On Knowing When to Move On, a commenter posted the following:

And not for nothing, a lot of women can wear a man down or be the last option standing after a 10yr wait! It happens all the time... By then he has pressure from everyone to "do the right thing" so he usually does. That's not the best way to make it to the alter. Although I have seen it A LOT, and everyone lies to themselves about the situation! That is until the sad little marriage falls apart. Then everyone remembers that it took the couple 10 yrs to agree that they wanted to get married!(and fyi: these marriages usually look real good at first!)

Wearing a man down not a marriage strategy. I know so many women who believe if they just stick around long enough then they will be rewarded for their stupidity loyalty with a gold ring. I know a woman who waited EIGHT years for her man to propose. He did. Add while they have been married for awhile they are having problems. Namely, he wants more kids (they have one) and she does not. Something you think they would have figured out in eight years of dating.

We can look to celebrity couples for this sort of thing as well, with mixed results. You have Diddy and Kim who, after 3 kids, 13 years and 1 J-Lo still could not convince Combs to marry her. And then there is Tiny and T.I. who, after 2 kids, 1 miscarriage, and a possible 10 year prison sentence finally got around to asking his long term girlfriend to marry him. The jury is still out on whether they actually make it down the aisle.

And our entertainment gives us such nonsense as well. Sex in the City perpetuated this foolishness by having Big FINALLY (sort of) propose to Carrie after 10 years of off and on dating and adultery--leading women to believe that they too can get their Mr. Big if they just wait long enough. Sigh. The lesson one should take from Sex in the City should be screw a Mr. Big...marry Aidan.

I don't get this. I don't get this laser focus on one man that will cause someone to give up years, decades even, of their life in hopes that this man will propose, with no guarantee that that is how things are going to work out (think Kim and Diddy). As I often ask on this blog, why are women so willing to give u their power? Contrary to all of the talk, getting married isn't that difficult. And the one easiest way to see that it happens, is to follow this very simple advice: If you're with a man who doesn't want to get married, when you're looking to get married, for whatever reason, then drop him and find you someone who is.


Relationships are about compatibility and if you're seeking marriage and he is not then you all are not compatible. Hoping, praying, begging, pleading, waiting is not going to make him marry you. And even if he does...what kind of marriage will it be? I don't know about anyone else, but I want a man who wants to marry me, not one I had to drag, kicking and screaming, to the alter.

Related Posts
Knowing When to Move On
Knowing When to Move On PT. 2
The Shortage of Marriagable Black Men and What to Do About It

Saturday, August 09, 2008

Bernie Mac Dies at 50

From AOL:

Bernie Mac, the actor and comedian who teamed up in the casino heist caper "Ocean's Eleven" and gained a prestigious Peabody Award for his sitcom "The Bernie Mac Show," died Saturday at age 50.

"Actor/comedian Bernie Mac passed away this morning from complications due to pneumonia in a Chicago area hospital," his publicist, Danica Smith, said in a statement from Los Angeles.

She said no other details were available and asked that his family's privacy be respected.
The comedian suffered from sarcoidosis, an inflammatory lung disease that produces tiny lumps of cells in the body's organs, but had said the condition went into remission in 2005. He recently was hospitalized and treated for pneumonia, which his publicist said was not related to the disease.

To die so young is always a tragedy. He was my favorite comedian. The man was crude and crass but he put on a good show and always left me in stitches. My prayers go out to his family.

Friday, August 08, 2008

Throwback Fridays - Jodeci: Forever My Lady

How to Tell If Your Man is Cheating

So in Top 5 Signs You are Not His (Only) Woman seems like those who commented on the post wanted to know how to tell if your man was cheating:

I dig what you're saying but what about the supposed wifey/main chick who hears from him at regular hours, has met his friends and family, gets taken out, etc. yet is still being cheated on? How's she supposed to know? That's a list I'd like to read = )
- Jennifer

However, what about the guy who is doing everything right, calling during the day, you have met his friends, you are super close, didn't give up the panties until months in.....but you find out he is cheating and wonder how did he pull it off?? Ain't that many hours in the
- Posh

yeah im with jennifer these are obvious signs that he isnt your but like she siad what about if none of these signs describe him and you still think he is with someone else
- Cherish

Well, you know, I don't believe that there is a woman alive who doesn't know her man is cheating. I believe signs are everywhere and that women choose to ignore the obvious. You know your man and you know when something isn't right.

For example: With one of my exes who I was off and on with for a year or so, I always knew when he was about to bounce. He was the type who would always call when he said he would. ALWAYS. So when he's start not calling me back after saying he would call, I knew he was about to pull one of his disappearing acts. It never failed. It was always the same.

Another ex, would pick random fights with me for no reason when he was about to break up with me. Always. I knew it was coming because we would be fine and then for no reason he would cop a huge attitude, pick a fight and then bounce. My clue there was another woman.

So my point is, there are always signs. You're just (willfully) ignoring them. We all perform a certain level of cognitive dissonance in out lives and I don't know anyone who is more willingly delusional than a woman who doesn't want to believe her man is cheating.

Here are a few red flags that he may be tipping out:

1. Sudden Changes in Schedule/Routine. Did he used to go to the gym in the mornings and now he goes in the evening? Is there no real explanation for the change. Has he stopped doing something, or stated doing something that he wasn't doing before? Was there no warning and when you ask you get vague answers?

2. More Time at Work. Is he all of a sudden spending more time at work, but like the changes in schedule, it's abrupt with no warning. As far as you know there isn't any new project or responsibilities that he as at his job, but all of a sudden he seems to spend more and more time there. When you ask about all the new hours, he doesn't give you an answer that's worth the time he took to say it.

3. The Sex/Grooming/Weight Changes. This is actually the easiest way to tell if a woman is cheating but works for a man as well. Is the sex drastically different? More frequent? Less frequent? Is he doing different stuff? Is he spending more time on his looks then he was before? Has he started losing weight? Wearing cologne? Keeping a fresh cut? Dapper down?

Yeah, you might want to chalk the new found sexiness up to a new woman.

But you know this. Like I said, women know when their men are tipping out. By the time you satrt asking the question, "Is he cheating," you already know the answer. You know your man better than I do. And if you're honest with yourself, the question isn't, "Is he cheating," the real question is, "What are you going to do about it?."

Quote of the Day

I don't wish to be everything to everyone, but I would like to be something to someone.
- Javan

A Little Morning Wood

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

Quote of the Day

...I still don’t date white men. To me, that’s the line in the sand that I don’t want to cross. Too much political baggage for me to start unpacking that. I don’t begrudge others, but I think I have a better chance of being in a lesbian relationship than seriously dating a white man.
- Latoya

Top 5 Signs You're Not His (Only) Woman

Many women I know or have known claim they have a man or that someone they're seeing really cares about them , but when you hear the details of their "relationship" you realize that it's no relationship at all but an extended booty call. She's making time with a guy when she is definitely NOT the only chick and more than like not even the main chick.

The Top 5 Signs You're Not His (Only) Woman

1. He only calls you after 11pm. Let's face it, if he can't call you doing normal business hours, you are not his woman. If the only time he can pick up the phone (or text) you is doing standard booty call hours you have to ask yourself who he's calling when he's not calling you.

2. The only time he calls is when he wants sex. Regardless of the hour of day he's calling, if the only time he calls is when he's looking for a little bedroom action, well he may like your lady parts but he definitely doesn't like you.

3. You haven't met any of his friends and family. If a guy is really into a chick he's going to (eventually) introduce her to friends and family. At the very least his friends and family will be aware that you exist. If you've never met anyone who is close to him, there is a good reason why and it's not one that's good for you.

4. He never takes you out. If the only thing he wants to do is hang out at the house and he never takes you out or attempts to take you out, there's a reason for that. Believe me if he's not taking you out, there's a good chance that he 's out with someone else. And even if he's not dating someone else, his unwillingness to take you out is a good sign that he hasn't any real interest in you. You are definitely not his woman.

5. You don't know how he spends his time when he's not with you. If you're clueless about how he spends his time when he's not with you, then you don't know him and if you don't know him, you're not his woman. If you ask him, "what did you do today," and his answers are always vague, well just assume he was doing things (or spending time with someone) he doesn't want you to know about. And if that is the're better off finding another man 'cause the one you have isn't yours.

Monday, August 04, 2008

Quote of the Day

Love is the word used to label the sexual excitement of the young, the habituation of the middle-aged, and the mutual dependence of the old.
- John Ciardi

How Soon is to Soon for Sex?

So how soon is too soon for sex in a relationship?

This is a question that women constantly agonize over. In a world that's still quick to label a woman who falls out of accepted sexual norms, many women are still weary of "getting their numbers up."

Well, my short answer to this question is whatever seems right for you. Having sex with someone is an intensely personal decision. You need to feel comfortable with your decision and only do what seems like the right decision for you.

Now with that said I'll tell you the rules I live my life by:

1. When a girl just wants to have fun. There really isn't a right time or wrong time in this scenario. If I like you and you like me and we're on the same page--then all systems go. Suit up and enjoy the ride so to speak.

2. Looking for a relationship. I've got a pretty solid (at least) two month rule. Usually at the two month mark you have at least 3 or 4 dates under your belt and you have a pretty good idea of who the person is. You know whether you all have enough in common to make a relationship work, whether there is something that should keep you from dating him or hell just whether you even like the guy as much as you thought.

Rarely has my two month rule failed me. And unfortunately for a lot of men have aided in my decision to keep my panties on. The other thing is, no matter how great the relationship is, there is no sex unless we end up together.

Otherwise you end up in what I like to call a pseudo-relationship, ya'll together in everything but name only, yet dude is giving you fifty-elven excuses about why ya'll are not "official." Oh, but he reserves the right to be mad if he finds out you're seeing someone else.

No thank you. I'll pass.

In the end. How you decided to navigate the sexual waters is up to you, but make sure it's you do so in a way that works for you and your needs, wants and desires and not because you feel pressured into doing something to make someone else feel good.

Friday, August 01, 2008

Throwback Fridays - SWV: Weak

Quote of the Day

Life has meaning only if one barters it day by day for something other than itself.
- Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Thursday, July 31, 2008

Quote of the Day

alot of us dames fall victim to that mess. A dude presents a different set of emotions and feelings for you during sexcapades...don't confuse this with him 'feeling' you. It's callled being in the moment. If you want the relationship...let him take you out and get to know you first..put that pu$$y on layaway.
- Goddess, on Note to the Ladies: Keep Your Panties On

Note to the Ladies: Keep Your Panties On

Warning: This post is NOT for the faint of heart. Strong Language. NSFW.

Now anyone who has been reading this blog long enough knows that I don't have any problems with casual sex. Personally I feel if you're a grown-up and you want to do grown-up things...go for it. As long as folk are on the same page and you're being safe--no harm, no foul.

But I do have a major problem with women (and men) who are having casual sex who know good and well that that is not something they can do.

Ladies, you know wh0 you are.

You're the ones sleeping with a man, knowing good and well it was just a booty call, but get all mad when you catch feelings and he doesn't feel the same. Then you wanna complain to your girlfriends and call the poor dude everything BUT a child of God.

Whatcha complaining for? It's not his fault. You knew what the deal was before you took your panties off. You can't change the rules in the middle of the game and expect the other person is going to follow suit.

Or how about you ladies who involve yourself with a man when he has already told you he isn't looking for a relationship? But you sex him anyway 'cause you're thinking, "Girl once he gets a taste of this he's gonna forget about anyone else and settle down with me."

Newsflash: You cannot fuck a man into a relationship (well unless your name is Tameka Raymond who apparently has a mink lined coochie with 24k gold inlays). While pussy is an asset - it is one that half the population has and it's a diminishing asset at that. And you best believe if he's "not having a relationship with you," he may be "not having a relationship" with two or three other women.

I say all of this to say: if you want a relationship, then have a relationship. Stop selling yourself short with these pseudo-relationships because you're afraid that you can't get, keep or find another man.

To thine ownself be true. Stop compromising yourself and your wants by sleeping with a man in hopes that he will "wife" you. Why are you giving up all of your power? Why are you letting a man decided when, where and how you're going to be involved?

As old fashion as it may sound, sex is an easy way to eliminate the men who are really interested in you vs. those who are interested in just sexin' you. As a general rule (notice I said general) unless or until a man has shown you that a relationship is what he wants then there is no need to sleep with him. Keep your panties on. You'll save yourself a lot of heartache and pain if you just wait awhile.

Cue Janet Jackson:

Thanx Everyone

First Shout Out to Necole Bitchie for putting up the link to Ladies Stop Playing Wife If Your Man's Not Playing Husband.

Thanks to Very Smart Brothas crew for adding the link (and all the outrage from the posters) once they realized someone had pilfered my post.

Thanx for all the love from everyone on my Blog. It's nice to know folk like what you write. Whoever said toiling away in obscurity is fun..LIED! LOL

And thanx to all ya'll who gave me a heads up that someone(s) were stealing my work.

Much Love,


Random Musings - The One?

So what to do you when you've fallen for a guy who is sweet, fun to be with, accepts you for who you are and actually reads what you write (me being a writer and all), but he's 5 years your junior? And you're moving to another city?

Any suggestions?

'Cause Lord knows I need them....

Note to White Women: Stop Your Bitchin'!

Give me a fucking break already. From Yahoo News:

In recent polls, Obama has had a significant edge among women. A Quinnipiac University poll released July 15 found women supported Obama over Republican John McCain, 55 percent to 36 percent. Among men, McCain had 47 percent and Obama 44 percent.

However, Obama hasn't had an advantage among independent women voters, who gave him 45 percent to 42 percent for McCain, well within the margin of error.

Obama also has work to do with some Clinton supporters. A recent poll by The Associated Press and Yahoo News found that just 12 percent of former Clinton supporters say they are excited about Obama.

"I'm not saying these women are bitter ... but they don't understand how to take this devotion and energy and put it behind the candidate who took her away from them," said Susie Tompkins Buell, a prominent Clinton fundraiser with deep reservations about Obama.

She said Obama must demonstrate his respect for Clinton — by working harder to help retire her campaign debt, for instance — and prove that he understands the concerns of (WHITE) female voters.

His "respect for Clinton," You gotta be fucking kidding me right? What exactly would confer "respect." Should he say "yes Missus," every time he sees her? Should he help her across busy road ways or lay his coat over a puddle for her? What?

As Professor Tracey said:

We are trying to win a damn election, there is no more time for your hurt feelings! Money needs to raised, phone calls need to be made, and votes need to be cast. I really don't get what they are waiting on. There is less than 100 days left until the election, how much longer is this game going to drag on?

Now while I'm not an Obama fan. And am seriously considering voting for Cynthia McKinney, I still can't abide by all this whining (or cow0towing on Obama's part) to thes over privileged, whining, sore losing White chicks. Like I said, give me a fucking break or in more colloquial terms: Man Up already.

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Quote of the Day

Slowly surely, slowly surely
I'll walk away from
that old desperate and tainted love
caught up in a maze of love
the crazy crazy love
thought it was good
thought it was real
thought it was
but it wasn't love
- Jill Scott, Slowly Surely

Monday, July 28, 2008

Why Did You Choose Celibacy?

For those women who are celibate, my question to you is why? And how does it affect your dating life?

Anyone wo has read this blog long enough knows how I feel about celibacy. But there are many women who swear by it and have, in some cases, been celibate for decades (my mother).

While it is not a choice for me, I would like to hear the stories of those who have made that decision, why they made it and how do they date, have relationships where sex is of of the table.

According to Lisa Vazquez, there are two types of celibacy:

Circumstantial celibacy is produced when the choices of sexual partners are not readily available.

Intentional celibacy is a result of a planned decision not to indulge sexual interests and sexual activities for a period of time due to a stated objective.

Which one are you? For those who are remaining celibate until you are married, are you actively seeking a mate? Are you prepared to remain celibate if you never find a husband? Do you think that is what God wants?

I have some posts I'm writing in the future and I want to hear from those who have either intentionally or accidentally chosen to abstain from sex.

Friday, July 25, 2008

Throwback Fridays - H-Town: Knocking the Boots

Quote of the Day

We cannot rely on "mainstream media" to tell our stories. PBS would have done a better job, I can't believe that they spent 18 months making this. I am sorry but I see a lot of black folks like Soledad bragging that they went to Harvard & Yale but I am not seeing any critical thinking skills being used. Our "talented tenth" is not so talented, they are part of the problem too and not just unwed mothers.
- Naima on CNN's Black in America

Uncle Luke: Married and a Reality TV Show...About Parenting?

Well I know the world is coming to an end.

First the nastiest man in Hip Hop (and I've seen some of his shows live, so I know) goe married. To a lawyer. 20 years his junior. From

Luke Campbell, former frontman of 2 Live Crew, heard wedding bells instead of beatboxing on Saturday as he and Kristin Thompson tied the knot in Dallas, Texas.

"I waited 47 years to find a special woman and have found that in Kristin," Campbell tells PEOPLE exclusively. "I never knew that I could feel love on another level like this until I met her, and I am now honored to call her my wife."

Now he has a reality show on VH-1 called Luke's Parental Advisory where he showcases his softer side From VH-1:

What people don't know about Luke is that he is now a loving father, successful CEO and most surprising of all, faithful fiancée. However, don't think Luke has changed completely. His life may look like the picture of typical suburbia, but his adult entertainment business ventures prove he's still going to be as nasty as he wants to be.

This reality series will follow the day-to-day adventures as Luke navigates fatherhood with two teenage children, while running his adult business Luke Entertainment Group and planning a wedding with his straight-laced lawyer fiancée Kristin. Whether it's wedding cake shopping, giving a "birds and the bees" lecture to his son or casting dancers for his adult Web site, Luke Campbell does things his own way and he doesn't give a *!#@ what anybody says about it!

Well damn.

I'm supposed to believe that the "Nastiest Man in Hip Hop" is now a straight laced married, family man, even while he still has his adult entertainment business? I mean really, can you look at naked women all day, doing all kind of nasty, naught things and then go home and say, "I love my wife?"

And if chicky is so straight-laced why did she marry a guy in the porn industry? I'm shocked. And I will be watching. What about ya'll? Anyone going to tune for what should prove to be one of Vh-!'s most interesting Celebreality shows yet?

Lukes's Parental Advisory premieres Aug 4 at 10:30pm on VH-1

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Quote of the Day

If you take responsibility for yourself you will develop a hunger to accomplish your dreams.
- Les Brown

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Introducing T-Time



Too often, when asked how they are doing, too many Black women say they are "surviving," or they are "making it." Well it is high time that we stop, "surviving" and "making it" and start thriving and living well. To that end T-Time seeks to inform and educate Black women on the many ways they can make their lives better, as well as entertain them a bit in the process.

T-Time is a web portal for black women that features the best the web has to offer on Sex, Dating and Relationships, Health, Fashion and Beauty, Business, and Entertainment, all from a Black woman's perspective.

Outside of featuring posts from my blogs Sweet Potato Pie and Brown Sugar, as well as creating original content for the T-Time Blog , I scour the web every day to find what other Black women are talking about regarding issues that affect Black women throughout the diaspora. From beauty tips to marketing advice, T-Time seeks to be the premiere place for useful, timely, information, tips and tricks that will improve the lives of everyday Black women.

I am excited about the possibilities T-Time offers and I hope you are too.


T.S. Johnson
The Black Woman's Guide to Living Well

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Ladies, Stop Playing Wife If Your Man's Not Playing Husband

To all the desperate women out there: Stop it. You're making it hard for the rest of us. I'm tired of encountering men who seem to believe all they have to do is look good, have a degree and smile to have my panties fall off.

I'm tired of the men who's first question seems to be: Can you to cook? To which I reply: Yes. I can. But I won't be doing it for you.

I'm tired of the men who call at all times of night, asking to come over and "chill" as I let them know that it's too late to be at my crib and what ever "chilling" they want to do can be done between the hours of 9 and 10.

Or how about the men who don't have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of but seem to think it's their right in life to have a "dime." And that my extra fly ass should be grateful that they even said hello to me and can't possibly understand why I'm not leaping up and down at the prospect of being with them.

And please, don't get me started on all of the men who tell me that I want them as much as they want me. Right. So all those texts and phone calls I didn't return didn't send the message that I wasn't interested , huh?

The reason why so many men today think that they have to do so little to attract quality chicks, is because they don't. Too many women out here will do whatever it takes to find, get and keep a man, turning the whole natural order of the dating world on its head. Women are doing the chasing and men are doing the choosing. And apparently I'm the only one who seems to think something is wrong with that.

I'm old school. I may only be 28, but I was raised to believe that it's a man's job to court me. He does the chasing. I do the choosing. Simple. And effective. But now, because of the very real demographic differences among a certain section of the Black community, women are doing whatever it takes to get a man. And I do mean whatever.

If that means cooking, cleaning, sexing, cow towing, begging, pleading, giving money to, letting live with, catching a case for (no lie) or just being a 21st century rendition of a Geisha with none of the perks who completely takes Destiny's Child "Cater to You" to heart with little to no reciprocation, then so be it. If that's what it takes to get and keep a man, then that is what too many women are willing do.

I'm sorry, but I just can't get down like that. As I have had to tell one too many men: I am not your wife. And even if I was, I wouldn't be bending over backward to cater to you. If you want 150% from me, then you better be giving me 150% in return. But don't expect to operate on 10% and expect me to give you 150. If you're operating on 10%, I'm operating on 20 and that's just because I'm nice--sometimes.

To put simply: I give as good as I get. You wanna wife, you need to put a ring on my finger. I don't play wife, unless you're playing husband. A sentiment I wish more young women would take to heart.

Quote of the Day

If you can't promise yourself that this man/woman will make an ideal spouse and or parent to your children and you don't ever think they will give you the life you have always dreamed of then thats your answer right there, it's time to walk away. You're not getting any younger and by a certain age in life people are who they are, there's no use in fighting for something you won't ever be able to change. Use that energy to find the person that best suits you and your needs. I've said it once and I will say it again "Love is only half the battle"
- Jen The Pen

Saturday, July 19, 2008

Quote of the Day

Well I won't teach my kids not to say Cracker. Wassup my Cracker. How you like that Cracker president of yours.
- Momma JJ in response to Elisabeth Hasselbeck's insistence on using Nigger

Featured Documentary

Friday, July 18, 2008

Throwback Fridays - Salt N' Pepa: Push It

Quote of the Day

Ah, yes! The National Association for the Advancement of Certain People (NAACP).
- PTCruiser

Are You Planning on Watching? CNN: Black in America

So Soledad O'Brien is doing this 2 Day look at Black America our, "successes, struggles, and complex issues faced by black men, women, and families -- 40 years after the death of Rev. Martin Luther King Jr."

You know I"m always skeptical when mainstream media decides to talk about Black folk. Rarely does it come across as little more than "those Niggas need to do better." BUT, O'Brien is a good journalist, so we will see.

Let me know if you all are watching. I'd love to post reviews on how well you thought they "dissected" us Black folks.

Black in America Interviews

Whoopi Goldberg 1

Whoopi Goldberg 2

Bishop TD Jakes

Elisabeth Hasselbeck is an Idiot

So why wouldn't she teach her kids NOT to say "Nigger?"

Because the black folks do it?


Can someone explain to me why white folks are so itchin' to say Nigger?

Please. Can someone explain this to me?

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Sorry Black Folk, Obama is Not Your Friend

Black folks have drunk the Kool-Aid and are too far gone to realize the truth - that Barack Obama is a shrewd, political hack who could give a damn about the Black masses and is very much about the status quo -- and furthering his political career.

But JJ, he's not running for the president of Black America! He's running for the president of All America!

Right. So let me ask you this, when Regan had his "I'm running for president," coming out party in Philadelphia Mississippi, do you think he was sending the message that he was running for all America or just white America?

While you're readying your response to that quip, here is a response to an excellent piece over on Black Agenda Report, that fully and accurately breaks down Obamaism:

It seems to me that the biggest problem we face today is the myth of the two-party system.
As long as we all pretend that there is any difference whatsoever between the major political parties in this country, we will continue to be vulnerable to manipulation by those global corporate entities who are really in charge.
A wet-behind-the-ears, newly elected junior senator does not have the wherewithall to mount a successful, dragon-slaying campaign without some powerful mojo from outside interests.
Nearly one hundred million dollars on hand before he was barely introduced to the millions of small donors who supposedly funded his campaign?
A manipulative, Rovian primary strategy that gamed the process in a style mastered in a ridiculously short political career, one spent almost entirely running for office and winning not on merit, but on technicality?
This is not the campaign of a committed politician, this is a carefully orchestrated puppet show.
The man behind the podium is a self-admitted blank screen, a chameleon, a shape-shifter.
To black Americans, he is redemption, validation, the culmination of the struggle, fulfillment of the dream.
For white Americans he is vindication, exoneration, absolution.
To young America he is hope, the promise of the future, the sign of the times, the prospect of things to come.
He's a liberal, he's a conservative, he's a hawk, he's anti-war, he's progressive, he's right-wing, he's black, he's white.
You name it, he is it.
What could be better?
Yet that is who he is only because that is who he is scripted to be.
In reality he is none of those things.
He's a two-bit political hack who can't seem to form a coherent sentence without a TelePrompter, let alone formulate or even explain a comprehensive, complex position on any government policy.
He simply looks the part for which he was cast.
In the minds of the string pullers he's the preferred winner, his opponent an equally scripted and cast, acceptable alternative.
What's so sad for black people is that to be so emotionally invested in what amounts to little more than an elaborately produced made-for-tv-movie is a sure-fire prescription for heartbreak.
The tragedy of buying the hype is there is no return policy, no money back guarantee, no recourse whatsoever.
What happens after the heartbreak is what worries many of us older folks, can our people endure such large-scale disillusionment?
Because the bottom line is whether he succeeds or fails those who look to him to be the reality of a common destiny realized are bound to be devastated when they realize it ain't about you.
And it never was.

But JJ, he's just saying and doing what he's doing so white folks will vote for him. Once he gets in to Office he'll really be for us Black folks!

Right. As Ed over at Dream and Hustle points out:

Oh, please spare me the nod-wink-nod “when Barack Obama gets in the office, he will take care of Black people - he just can’t say it on the campaign trail”. That no different than an irresponsible Black male telling a female if he gets her pregnant, he will “do the right thing” without any explicit commitment.

And we all know how well that has worked out for the Black community. I do wonder though, after the debacle that was the Clinton presidency (NAFTA, Welfare Reform, expansion of the prison industrial complex) why are Black folk so willing to believe that any politician running for president will do anything for us outside of take out votes and then give us his ass to kiss? Y do we sell our vote for so little? Why don't we demand that folk give us concrete ways in which they plan on helping us before they get in office (or get the nomination) and if they don't, we let them know we will take our vote elsewhere or sit home?

I know. I know. I wasn't always this down on Obama. I admit I got caught in the Obama wave a bit. But that was largely because Hillary Clinton pissed me the hell off. And if being ra, ra for Obama was what it took to sing, "Ding Dong the Witch is Dead," then so be it.

But my reservations about him have always been the same: That he was a corporate hack who would throw Black folk under the bus at the first opportunity.

And boy he wasted no time in proving me right. First his pastor, then Black fathers, and then the rest of black America to boot. He's doing what I like to call the Corporate Shuffle: Wanna get promoted in Corporate America? Just hate on Black folks and you'll show "The Man" you're not like one of those Negros.

But JJ, Black people do need to do better! 70% out of wedlock births, high incarceration rates, illiteracy, unemployment, you're just an apologist for irresponsible behaviour.

Right. So all those unemployed, under employed white folks are that way 'cause the system is bad but Black folks are that way because of our innate pathological tendencies? Let me ask you this: When has Obama EVER given a lecture to those good, God-fearing, gun-toting, hardworking Americans that he's been pandering to so much as of late?

Name a time.

Find me some video.

Has he said to them that there lack of an education is part of the reason why they are in the economic situation they are in (contrary to popular belief anti-intellectualism in not just a Black thing)? How about their racial bias that kept them voting for a party that could give a damn about them but since it wasn't the party of Niggers and Spics then they gladly did so year in and year out? How about the living above their means that had them using their homes as ATM's and now has left them flat broke and in major debt? Anything on that? No? Yeah. I thought so.

When white people experience hard times, there's a systemic issue. When Black people experience experience hard times, it's because we don't take "personal responsibility, for our actions. Am I the only that sees something wrong with that?

And on one final note: Why is Obama doing all this lecturing to folks whose votes he needs if he wants to be elected. As Ed said:
What kind of politician would tell a group of potential voters to “take responsibility” and what kind of freaking mess is that? Politicians pander to voters to get their votes, they don’t tell them to do anything. Show me in political history a candidate telling potential voters to take care of their themselves…please show me.

Yeah. Show me too.

Quote of the Day

The fact is that they know we don't have the power to make them do or not do anything and treat us accordingly, and they will until we develop the capacity to force them to do otherwise. I know this is a difficult message for those who like to believe that politics is about good people and bad people, or that writing really smart position papers that demonstrate the formal plausibility of a win/win agenda that satisfies everyone's concerns should be enough to counter the influence of those $30,000 per head corporate and hedge fund contributors, but that's just not the way the deal goes down.
- Adolph Reed Jr., Black Agenda Report

Monday, July 14, 2008

Quote of the Day

Nothing is worse than a crazy dude dressed in regular dudes clothing.
- ForReal

Cover of the New Yorker a "Liberal" Publication

So this is the "change" we've been working for? Mind you this isn't Fox News or National Review, this is The New Yorker, the bastion of limousine liberalness. Once again I say, with friends like these who needs Republicans.