Thursday, July 31, 2008
- Goddess, on Note to the Ladies: Keep Your Panties On
Warning: This post is NOT for the faint of heart. Strong Language. NSFW.
Now anyone who has been reading this blog long enough knows that I don't have any problems with casual sex. Personally I feel if you're a grown-up and you want to do grown-up things...go for it. As long as folk are on the same page and you're being safe--no harm, no foul.
But I do have a major problem with women (and men) who are having casual sex who know good and well that that is not something they can do.
Ladies, you know wh0 you are.
You're the ones sleeping with a man, knowing good and well it was just a booty call, but get all mad when you catch feelings and he doesn't feel the same. Then you wanna complain to your girlfriends and call the poor dude everything BUT a child of God.
Whatcha complaining for? It's not his fault. You knew what the deal was before you took your panties off. You can't change the rules in the middle of the game and expect the other person is going to follow suit.
Or how about you ladies who involve yourself with a man when he has already told you he isn't looking for a relationship? But you sex him anyway 'cause you're thinking, "Girl once he gets a taste of this he's gonna forget about anyone else and settle down with me."
Newsflash: You cannot fuck a man into a relationship (well unless your name is Tameka Raymond who apparently has a mink lined coochie with 24k gold inlays). While pussy is an asset - it is one that half the population has and it's a diminishing asset at that. And you best believe if he's "not having a relationship with you," he may be "not having a relationship" with two or three other women.
I say all of this to say: if you want a relationship, then have a relationship. Stop selling yourself short with these pseudo-relationships because you're afraid that you can't get, keep or find another man.
To thine ownself be true. Stop compromising yourself and your wants by sleeping with a man in hopes that he will "wife" you. Why are you giving up all of your power? Why are you letting a man decided when, where and how you're going to be involved?
As old fashion as it may sound, sex is an easy way to eliminate the men who are really interested in you vs. those who are interested in just sexin' you. As a general rule (notice I said general) unless or until a man has shown you that a relationship is what he wants then there is no need to sleep with him. Keep your panties on. You'll save yourself a lot of heartache and pain if you just wait awhile.
Cue Janet Jackson:
First Shout Out to Necole Bitchie for putting up the link to Ladies Stop Playing Wife If Your Man's Not Playing Husband.
Thanks to Very Smart Brothas crew for adding the link (and all the outrage from the posters) once they realized someone had pilfered my post.
Thanx for all the love from everyone on my Blog. It's nice to know folk like what you write. Whoever said toiling away in obscurity is fun..LIED! LOL
And thanx to all ya'll who gave me a heads up that someone(s) were stealing my work.
'Cause Lord knows I need them....
Give me a fucking break already. From Yahoo News:
In recent polls, Obama has had a significant edge among women. A Quinnipiac University poll released July 15 found women supported Obama over Republican John McCain, 55 percent to 36 percent. Among men, McCain had 47 percent and Obama 44 percent.
However, Obama hasn't had an advantage among independent women voters, who gave him 45 percent to 42 percent for McCain, well within the margin of error.
Obama also has work to do with some Clinton supporters. A recent poll by The Associated Press and Yahoo News found that just 12 percent of former Clinton supporters say they are excited about Obama.
"I'm not saying these women are bitter ... but they don't understand how to take this devotion and energy and put it behind the candidate who took her away from them," said Susie Tompkins Buell, a prominent Clinton fundraiser with deep reservations about Obama.
She said Obama must demonstrate his respect for Clinton — by working harder to help retire her campaign debt, for instance — and prove that he understands the concerns of (WHITE) female voters.
His "respect for Clinton," You gotta be fucking kidding me right? What exactly would confer "respect." Should he say "yes Missus," every time he sees her? Should he help her across busy road ways or lay his coat over a puddle for her? What?
As Professor Tracey said:
Now while I'm not an Obama fan. And am seriously considering voting for Cynthia McKinney, I still can't abide by all this whining (or cow0towing on Obama's part) to thes over privileged, whining, sore losing White chicks. Like I said, give me a fucking break or in more colloquial terms: Man Up already.
We are trying to win a damn election, there is no more time for your hurt feelings! Money needs to raised, phone calls need to be made, and votes need to be cast. I really don't get what they are waiting on. There is less than 100 days left until the election, how much longer is this game going to drag on?
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
I'll walk away from
that old desperate and tainted love
caught up in a maze of love
the crazy crazy love
thought it was good
thought it was real
thought it was
but it wasn't love
- Jill Scott, Slowly Surely
Monday, July 28, 2008
Anyone wo has read this blog long enough knows how I feel about celibacy. But there are many women who swear by it and have, in some cases, been celibate for decades (my mother).
While it is not a choice for me, I would like to hear the stories of those who have made that decision, why they made it and how do they date, have relationships where sex is of of the table.
According to Lisa Vazquez, there are two types of celibacy:
Circumstantial celibacy is produced when the choices of sexual partners are not readily available.
Intentional celibacy is a result of a planned decision not to indulge sexual interests and sexual activities for a period of time due to a stated objective.
Which one are you? For those who are remaining celibate until you are married, are you actively seeking a mate? Are you prepared to remain celibate if you never find a husband? Do you think that is what God wants?
I have some posts I'm writing in the future and I want to hear from those who have either intentionally or accidentally chosen to abstain from sex.
Friday, July 25, 2008
- Naima on CNN's Black in America
Well I know the world is coming to an end.
First the nastiest man in Hip Hop (and I've seen some of his shows live, so I know) goe married. To a lawyer. 20 years his junior. From People.com:
Luke Campbell, former frontman of 2 Live Crew, heard wedding bells instead of beatboxing on Saturday as he and Kristin Thompson tied the knot in Dallas, Texas.
"I waited 47 years to find a special woman and have found that in Kristin," Campbell tells PEOPLE exclusively. "I never knew that I could feel love on another level like this until I met her, and I am now honored to call her my wife."
Now he has a reality show on VH-1 called Luke's Parental Advisory where he showcases his softer side From VH-1:
What people don't know about Luke is that he is now a loving father, successful CEO and most surprising of all, faithful fiancée. However, don't think Luke has changed completely. His life may look like the picture of typical suburbia, but his adult entertainment business ventures prove he's still going to be as nasty as he wants to be.
This reality series will follow the day-to-day adventures as Luke navigates fatherhood with two teenage children, while running his adult business Luke Entertainment Group and planning a wedding with his straight-laced lawyer fiancée Kristin. Whether it's wedding cake shopping, giving a "birds and the bees" lecture to his son or casting dancers for his adult Web site, Luke Campbell does things his own way and he doesn't give a *!#@ what anybody says about it!
I'm supposed to believe that the "Nastiest Man in Hip Hop" is now a straight laced married, family man, even while he still has his adult entertainment business? I mean really, can you look at naked women all day, doing all kind of nasty, naught things and then go home and say, "I love my wife?"
And if chicky is so straight-laced why did she marry a guy in the porn industry? I'm shocked. And I will be watching. What about ya'll? Anyone going to tune for what should prove to be one of Vh-!'s most interesting Celebreality shows yet?
Lukes's Parental Advisory premieres Aug 4 at 10:30pm on VH-1
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Too often, when asked how they are doing, too many Black women say they are "surviving," or they are "making it." Well it is high time that we stop, "surviving" and "making it" and start thriving and living well. To that end T-Time seeks to inform and educate Black women on the many ways they can make their lives better, as well as entertain them a bit in the process.
T-Time is a web portal for black women that features the best the web has to offer on Sex, Dating and Relationships, Health, Fashion and Beauty, Business, and Entertainment, all from a Black woman's perspective.
Outside of featuring posts from my blogs Sweet Potato Pie and Brown Sugar, as well as creating original content for the T-Time Blog , I scour the web every day to find what other Black women are talking about regarding issues that affect Black women throughout the diaspora. From beauty tips to marketing advice, T-Time seeks to be the premiere place for useful, timely, information, tips and tricks that will improve the lives of everyday Black women.
I am excited about the possibilities T-Time offers and I hope you are too.
The Black Woman's Guide to Living Well
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
To all the desperate women out there: Stop it. You're making it hard for the rest of us. I'm tired of encountering men who seem to believe all they have to do is look good, have a degree and smile to have my panties fall off.
I'm tired of the men who's first question seems to be: Can you to cook? To which I reply: Yes. I can. But I won't be doing it for you.
I'm tired of the men who call at all times of night, asking to come over and "chill" as I let them know that it's too late to be at my crib and what ever "chilling" they want to do can be done between the hours of 9 and 10.
Or how about the men who don't have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of but seem to think it's their right in life to have a "dime." And that my extra fly ass should be grateful that they even said hello to me and can't possibly understand why I'm not leaping up and down at the prospect of being with them.
And please, don't get me started on all of the men who tell me that I want them as much as they want me. Right. So all those texts and phone calls I didn't return didn't send the message that I wasn't interested , huh?
The reason why so many men today think that they have to do so little to attract quality chicks, is because they don't. Too many women out here will do whatever it takes to find, get and keep a man, turning the whole natural order of the dating world on its head. Women are doing the chasing and men are doing the choosing. And apparently I'm the only one who seems to think something is wrong with that.
I'm old school. I may only be 28, but I was raised to believe that it's a man's job to court me. He does the chasing. I do the choosing. Simple. And effective. But now, because of the very real demographic differences among a certain section of the Black community, women are doing whatever it takes to get a man. And I do mean whatever.
If that means cooking, cleaning, sexing, cow towing, begging, pleading, giving money to, letting live with, catching a case for (no lie) or just being a 21st century rendition of a Geisha with none of the perks who completely takes Destiny's Child "Cater to You" to heart with little to no reciprocation, then so be it. If that's what it takes to get and keep a man, then that is what too many women are willing do.
I'm sorry, but I just can't get down like that. As I have had to tell one too many men: I am not your wife. And even if I was, I wouldn't be bending over backward to cater to you. If you want 150% from me, then you better be giving me 150% in return. But don't expect to operate on 10% and expect me to give you 150. If you're operating on 10%, I'm operating on 20 and that's just because I'm nice--sometimes.
To put simply: I give as good as I get. You wanna wife, you need to put a ring on my finger. I don't play wife, unless you're playing husband. A sentiment I wish more young women would take to heart.
- Jen The Pen
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Friday, July 18, 2008
So Soledad O'Brien is doing this 2 Day look at Black America our, "successes, struggles, and complex issues faced by black men, women, and families -- 40 years after the death of Rev. Martin Luther King Jr."
You know I"m always skeptical when mainstream media decides to talk about Black folk. Rarely does it come across as little more than "those Niggas need to do better." BUT, O'Brien is a good journalist, so we will see.
Let me know if you all are watching. I'd love to post reviews on how well you thought they "dissected" us Black folks.
Black in America Interviews:
Whoopi Goldberg 1
Whoopi Goldberg 2
Bishop TD Jakes
So why wouldn't she teach her kids NOT to say "Nigger?"
Because the black folks do it?
Can someone explain to me why white folks are so itchin' to say Nigger?
Please. Can someone explain this to me?
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Black folks have drunk the Kool-Aid and are too far gone to realize the truth - that Barack Obama is a shrewd, political hack who could give a damn about the Black masses and is very much about the status quo -- and furthering his political career.
But JJ, he's not running for the president of Black America! He's running for the president of All America!
Right. So let me ask you this, when Regan had his "I'm running for president," coming out party in Philadelphia Mississippi, do you think he was sending the message that he was running for all America or just white America?
While you're readying your response to that quip, here is a response to an excellent piece over on Black Agenda Report, that fully and accurately breaks down Obamaism:
It seems to me that the biggest problem we face today is the myth of the two-party system.
As long as we all pretend that there is any difference whatsoever between the major political parties in this country, we will continue to be vulnerable to manipulation by those global corporate entities who are really in charge.
A wet-behind-the-ears, newly elected junior senator does not have the wherewithall to mount a successful, dragon-slaying campaign without some powerful mojo from outside interests.
Nearly one hundred million dollars on hand before he was barely introduced to the millions of small donors who supposedly funded his campaign?
A manipulative, Rovian primary strategy that gamed the process in a style mastered in a ridiculously short political career, one spent almost entirely running for office and winning not on merit, but on technicality?
This is not the campaign of a committed politician, this is a carefully orchestrated puppet show.
The man behind the podium is a self-admitted blank screen, a chameleon, a shape-shifter.
To black Americans, he is redemption, validation, the culmination of the struggle, fulfillment of the dream.
For white Americans he is vindication, exoneration, absolution.
To young America he is hope, the promise of the future, the sign of the times, the prospect of things to come.
He's a liberal, he's a conservative, he's a hawk, he's anti-war, he's progressive, he's right-wing, he's black, he's white.
You name it, he is it.
What could be better?
Yet that is who he is only because that is who he is scripted to be.
In reality he is none of those things.
He's a two-bit political hack who can't seem to form a coherent sentence without a TelePrompter, let alone formulate or even explain a comprehensive, complex position on any government policy.
He simply looks the part for which he was cast.
In the minds of the string pullers he's the preferred winner, his opponent an equally scripted and cast, acceptable alternative.
What's so sad for black people is that to be so emotionally invested in what amounts to little more than an elaborately produced made-for-tv-movie is a sure-fire prescription for heartbreak.
The tragedy of buying the hype is there is no return policy, no money back guarantee, no recourse whatsoever.
What happens after the heartbreak is what worries many of us older folks, can our people endure such large-scale disillusionment?
Because the bottom line is whether he succeeds or fails those who look to him to be the reality of a common destiny realized are bound to be devastated when they realize it ain't about you.
And it never was.
But JJ, he's just saying and doing what he's doing so white folks will vote for him. Once he gets in to Office he'll really be for us Black folks!
Right. As Ed over at Dream and Hustle points out:
Oh, please spare me the nod-wink-nod “when Barack Obama gets in the office, he will take care of Black people - he just can’t say it on the campaign trail”. That no different than an irresponsible Black male telling a female if he gets her pregnant, he will “do the right thing” without any explicit commitment.
And we all know how well that has worked out for the Black community. I do wonder though, after the debacle that was the Clinton presidency (NAFTA, Welfare Reform, expansion of the prison industrial complex) why are Black folk so willing to believe that any politician running for president will do anything for us outside of take out votes and then give us his ass to kiss? Y do we sell our vote for so little? Why don't we demand that folk give us concrete ways in which they plan on helping us before they get in office (or get the nomination) and if they don't, we let them know we will take our vote elsewhere or sit home?
I know. I know. I wasn't always this down on Obama. I admit I got caught in the Obama wave a bit. But that was largely because Hillary Clinton pissed me the hell off. And if being ra, ra for Obama was what it took to sing, "Ding Dong the Witch is Dead," then so be it.
But my reservations about him have always been the same: That he was a corporate hack who would throw Black folk under the bus at the first opportunity.
And boy he wasted no time in proving me right. First his pastor, then Black fathers, and then the rest of black America to boot. He's doing what I like to call the Corporate Shuffle: Wanna get promoted in Corporate America? Just hate on Black folks and you'll show "The Man" you're not like one of those Negros.
But JJ, Black people do need to do better! 70% out of wedlock births, high incarceration rates, illiteracy, unemployment, you're just an apologist for irresponsible behaviour.
Right. So all those unemployed, under employed white folks are that way 'cause the system is bad but Black folks are that way because of our innate pathological tendencies? Let me ask you this: When has Obama EVER given a lecture to those good, God-fearing, gun-toting, hardworking Americans that he's been pandering to so much as of late?
Name a time.
Find me some video.
Has he said to them that there lack of an education is part of the reason why they are in the economic situation they are in (contrary to popular belief anti-intellectualism in not just a Black thing)? How about their racial bias that kept them voting for a party that could give a damn about them but since it wasn't the party of Niggers and Spics then they gladly did so year in and year out? How about the living above their means that had them using their homes as ATM's and now has left them flat broke and in major debt? Anything on that? No? Yeah. I thought so.
When white people experience hard times, there's a systemic issue. When Black people experience experience hard times, it's because we don't take "personal responsibility, for our actions. Am I the only that sees something wrong with that?
And on one final note: Why is Obama doing all this lecturing to folks whose votes he needs if he wants to be elected. As Ed said:
What kind of politician would tell a group of potential voters to “take responsibility” and what kind of freaking mess is that? Politicians pander to voters to get their votes, they don’t tell them to do anything. Show me in political history a candidate telling potential voters to take care of their themselves…please show me.
Yeah. Show me too.
- Adolph Reed Jr., Black Agenda Report
Monday, July 14, 2008
Sunday, July 13, 2008
What's this shoe, that I'm currently breaking the 10th Commandment to write about, running? Oh just 395 pounds. So, with the crappy dollar the way it is, that's about $800. That's more than my rent. Sigh.
And while we're at it, let's fantasize about some accessories, shall we:
Lola Patent Leather Handbag - $1900
Ubai Printed Pony Wallet - $700
Zulu Wallet/Clutch Bag - $750
Friday, July 11, 2008
Wednesday, July 09, 2008
Now don't get me wrong there are two instances when the lack of an orgasm on a woman's part is definitely the man's fault:
1. Erectile dysfunction - yep this effects young men as well, not just the over 40 crowd. If he can't get or keep an erection then there isn't much you can do about that.However, other than the two aforementioned scenarios, your lack of an orgasm is squarely on your shoulders. You can't blame anyone else if you don't have one. In my life, I take a very proactive approach to sex. I feel my orgasm is my responsibility and I act accordingly. I know what gets me off. I know where and how I like to be touched, the necessary pressure and the positions that work best. If he's not a sex guru (and most men are not) that's fine, I can take control of the situation and make sure we both leave satisfied and pleased.
2. Premature ejaculation - anybody over the age of 18 should have this under control and if they don't, there isn't a whole lot you as a woman can do about it. He's at least gotta give you enough time to get there.
Now if you don't know what you like, I suggest you find out. We all hope for the guy who is the reincarnation of Mandingo and just intuitively knows what we want and how we like it, but that's not reality and it's unfair pressure to any new lover you may take on. If ya'll are just meeting, how is he supposed to know what you like? If you don't articulate your desires how is he supposed to help you reach the peak? Hell, if you're not sure what it takes to get you to that mountain top, how is anyone else supposed to know?
So if you're one of these women who is constantly complaining about the orgasms you're not having, I suggest you take some time, light some candles, throw on some soft music, and get to know yourself. Throw some toys in the mix if you're comfortable with that sort of thing. But whatever it takes, learn what's going to get you there, so the next time someone is doing it for you you'll be assured to cross the finish line.
Monday, July 07, 2008
Sunday, July 06, 2008
This is the Michael Kors Promo Boot. This is a boot I'd sell my first born for. Okay maybe not my first born, I kinda like her. Price tag for such a lovely boot: $380.00.
That's more than the U-Haul truck that I'm gonna need to move my stuff. Oh, but I'd take the shoes over moving my stuff any day. LOL. Alas, I don't have money for either. A girl can dream though.