Warning: This post is NOT for the faint of heart. Strong Language. NSFW.
Now anyone who has been reading this blog long enough knows that I don't have any problems with casual sex. Personally I feel if you're a grown-up and you want to do grown-up things...go for it. As long as folk are on the same page and you're being safe--no harm, no foul.
But I do have a major problem with women (and men) who are having casual sex who know good and well that that is not something they can do.
Ladies, you know wh0 you are.
You're the ones sleeping with a man, knowing good and well it was just a booty call, but get all mad when you catch feelings and he doesn't feel the same. Then you wanna complain to your girlfriends and call the poor dude everything BUT a child of God.
Whatcha complaining for? It's not his fault. You knew what the deal was before you took your panties off. You can't change the rules in the middle of the game and expect the other person is going to follow suit.
Or how about you ladies who involve yourself with a man when he has already told you he isn't looking for a relationship? But you sex him anyway 'cause you're thinking, "Girl once he gets a taste of this he's gonna forget about anyone else and settle down with me."
Newsflash: You cannot fuck a man into a relationship (well unless your name is Tameka Raymond who apparently has a mink lined coochie with 24k gold inlays). While pussy is an asset - it is one that half the population has and it's a diminishing asset at that. And you best believe if he's "not having a relationship with you," he may be "not having a relationship" with two or three other women.
I say all of this to say: if you want a relationship, then have a relationship. Stop selling yourself short with these pseudo-relationships because you're afraid that you can't get, keep or find another man.
To thine ownself be true. Stop compromising yourself and your wants by sleeping with a man in hopes that he will "wife" you. Why are you giving up all of your power? Why are you letting a man decided when, where and how you're going to be involved?
As old fashion as it may sound, sex is an easy way to eliminate the men who are really interested in you vs. those who are interested in just sexin' you. As a general rule (notice I said general) unless or until a man has shown you that a relationship is what he wants then there is no need to sleep with him. Keep your panties on. You'll save yourself a lot of heartache and pain if you just wait awhile.
Cue Janet Jackson:
15 comments:
I get what you are saying and the same thing can go for the man. I was in something like that and in middle of the game he want to change the plan talking about he want to married me. I said, "Sorry, I don't marry booty calls.
Tonni
amen to that Sis!! alot of us dames fall victim to that mess. A dude presents a different set of emotions and feelings for you during sexcapades...don't confuse this with him 'feeling' you. It's callled being in the moment. If you want the relationship...let him take you out and get to know you first..put that pu$$y on layaway
P.S. Real talk...i luv your page too...i see i'm going to have to link it from mines...
AMEN Sista. Can you say it again for the ones who still think they change his mind. This was an excellent post. Girl you said a mouth full.
Thanks for the inspirational post. Honestly, I get tired of people looking at me funny because my legs are closed and I won't sleep with every Tom Dick and Harry out there. I know that there is a good man out there who is more interested in getting to know me other than getting the booty.
LOL @ You cannot fuck a man into a relationship (well unless your name is Tameka Raymond who apparently has a mink lined coochie with 24k gold inlays).
Ahaha @ your "newsflash."
I swear, if you keep giving these ladies such eye-opening insights, it's going to be harder and harder for us men to continue to take advantage!!
you were right on point with that!!!
so true..kudos
You knew what the deal was before you took your panties off.
ain't that the truth!
sounds like my cousin, but she is the one who always says "he's perfect booty call material" *rolleyes*
Oh man you hit it hard with this one. So true. You can't sleep your way into a relationship. Maybe it is because we think everything should be as easy as switching on the telly with the remote. Wrong button.
*pulling out my MLK church fan* You better preach! I learned this lesson the HARD way in my 20s and am so very glad I did.
It takes a WOMAN to know if you can handle that type of casual relationship. I always listen to what a man says and believe him. He will tell you by his actions, if not his words, all you need to know...if you're LISTENING.
@Vivrant thang:
That's all I'm saying. You know if you can hang with the casual or not. If you can't do it...just don't do it.
" you can't fuck yourself into a relationship."
damn right.
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