Goodbye....for Now

Adios BBAS Readers,

I'm off to write this Masters Thesis that I've been putting off and that has to get written ASAP. Unfortunately blogging interferes with that so until the thesis is done I'm saying no to blogging.

For those of you who've been reading the blog since it's inception I'll see you soon (no later then Jan. 1) and thesis or no thesis will be back to commemorate my blog anniversary of Dec. 20.

For those of you who may be new to BBAS or just stumbled on the blog from Google or navabar search....stick around. There is always the Relationship Series:
How to Get a Date
The Fallacy of Chemistry
Knowing When to Move On
Knowing When to move On Part 2
Volume Dating and Stacking Your Dates
The Shortage of Marriageable Black men and What to do About It
Can I Have a Glass of Wine and a Side of Girl Parts Please
It's a Date Not an Inquisition
Signs are Everywhere
Looks Don't Matter but Really They Do
Get a Life

A Look at Date Rape
How Date Rape Happens
Why I Wouldn't Tell

Me and Men
Don't Call Me Sexy
Cult of Man - The Truth Behind the Hype

And for the really curious, a look at how this whole blog got started.

Enjoy. Don't forget about me and I'll see you in January. Kisses.

JJ

Quote of the Day

Love is a canvas furnished by nature and embroidered by imagination.
- Voltaire

What I'm Feeling Right Now

Alicia Keys As I Am

I Love New York - Spoilers and Scandals

I don't watch this show. I personally think the woman is evil incarnate and VH-1 needs to be BITCH SLAPPED for putting the show on air. But I did get an interesting e-mail the other day regarding the show and since it seems like much of what is being said is currently playing out I thought I would pass it along. So here goes:

E-mail 1:

Well, well, well. Seems like one of our faithful
> readers has got the inside scoop on the new season
> of I Love New York. Here's what they say will happen
> in the next couple of weeks:
> I was workin for VH1 production team up until last
> week when I went on to a better job. Anyways I had
> the opportunity to watch all 12 episodes Of I Love
> New York 2 and enjoyed it very well! I run my damn
> mouth too much and can't keep anything to myself, so
> i MUST tell y'all what's gon' go down in the rest of
> the show with eliminations! I will not reveal the
> winner though! Well, here we go:
>
> *As you saw on tonight's show, Tailormade said they
> think pretty is gay. Well Pretty WILL reveal that he
> has had a relationship with a man once in life and
> didn't like it, knows that being gay is a sin, that
> he wants to be straight, and he feels that New York
> will be the perfect woman to turn him back that way
> again, which is why he was on the show! PRETTY IS
> NOW ELIMINATED!
>
> *Midget Mac Loves New York and New York Loves Midget
> Mac, but New York becomes TRUTHFUL and reveals to
> him that she KNOWS she will not pick him in the end
> and that its time to get down to the wire and spend
> time with guys who fit her type and have potential
> to win her heart and be with her....MIDGET MAC IS
> NOW ELIMINATED!
>
> *IT is definitely a freak with Miss New York, but
> this time he gets a little too freaky and says the
> wrong thing to New York. She feels very disrespected
> and violated of her woman rights....IT IS NOW
> ELIMINATED!
>
> *New York hasn't really spent much time with Punk on
> the show, she likes him yeah, but it seems like he's
> more interested in being the instigator of starting
> shit between and with other men in the house to get
> attention and TV time, other than getting it with
> her, New York is not feeling that at all! PUNK IS
> NOW ELIMINATED!
>
> *The Entertainer is really an Entertainer! This is
> not the first TV reality show he has appeared on. He
> was featured on two episodes of Blind Date and the
> old TV show Love Connection. New York was also not
> feeling his desperate quest to find love on TV, or
> was it his quest to get 15 minutes? THE ENTERTAINER
> IS NOW ELIMINATED!
>
> WE NOW HAVE TAILOR MADE, MR.WISE, AND WOLF LEFT IN
> THE COMPETITION! BUT NEW YORK THINKS THREE AINT
> ENOUGH AND THAT THE SEASON IS GETTING OVER TOO FAST,
> SO SHE WANTS TO SPICE IT UP A LIL BIT.......SHE
> BRINGS CHANCE BACK!!!!
>
> *Mr. Wise was terrorized and spit on by Tailor Made
> in the 4th episode, and this time although Tailor
> made doesn't hit him, he damn sure pisses him off
> and a hard ass push can really do alot, as he does
> it to Taylor Made. WTF? [N WORD] you knew the
> consequences! MR. WISE IS NOW ELIMINATED!
>
> Wolf was definitely the underdog, but he is also a
> Cutie and one of the most handsome men on the show,
> I guess New York can see that! He's also very
> respectful to her and Sister Patterson, unlike the
> other men in the house, He done something on an
> episode that made New York cry and fall in love,
> wait until you see!!!....
>
> Tailor Made was a potential winner from the
> beginning, he's a snitch, rich [N WORD] with money,
> and New York loves that! He ain't going nowhere
> right now......
>
> Chance, We All Know chance! It's like New York on
> FOL2 Deja Vu all over again! he's still insane and
> they definitely belong together!.....
> So it's Chance, Wolf and Tailor Made, huh??

E-mail 2:

Well it looks like we may have all been had.
> Renaissance Black Woman has learned that VH1's hit
> series' Flavor Of Love and I Love New York may have
> been staged. At least that's what a person claiming
> to be an insider is saying on VH1's very own message
> board.
>
> The most explosive allegation that the poster made
> is that both New York and Sister Patterson are
> actresses - and that the two are not even related.
> The poster also claims that New York used to work as
> an exotic dancer.
>
> Here's the shocking post:
>
> I have been watching this nonsense for a couple of
> weeks and I can no longer stand the stupidity. Yes,
> the show is fake.
>
> The scenario is that the show was concocted to
> appear to be some sort of dating show, but the
> "contestants" signed up for something entirely
> different. The girls on the show signed up for more
> of an "acting contest".
>
> The concept, initially proposed by William Drayton
> aka 'Flava Flav', was to have a show which would
> appear to the viewers to be a 'dating contest', but
> in reality would be an competition to find a
> suitable 'match' for a money desperate Drayton after
> Brigitte Nielson declined to appear in another
> season of VH1's "Strange Love".
>
> The winner would be the woman who could best 'act
> like' Drayton's perfect other. Someone with antics
> bizarre enough to hold the interest of the viewers,
> and who could also feign love for the virtually
> unlikable Drayton.
>
> In layman's terms: A group of young (and not so
> young) Hollywood fringe hopefuls signed contracts to
> appear on a televised acting contest, vying for the
> coveted position of phony reality show 'girlfriend'
> to 'Flava Flav'. The prize included a guaranteed
> reality show (Strange Love) and monetary
> compensation.
>
> The long and short of it: "Flavor of Love" is the
> WWF of dating shows.
>
> To further perpetuate the absolute ridiculousness is
> their choice of thespians to play "New York" and
> family. Surprise! No, they're not related. No, Mr.
> 'New York' is not the owner of a fortune 500
> company. (If you were foolish enough to believe this
> you likely need your head checked...what
> millionaire, country club thoroughbred has as
> uneducated, filthy and tragically cheap a child and
> as deranged and unkempt a wife as he has on the
> show?)
>
> Miss 'New York' is actually Kenya Simmons of Newark
> New Jersey. Never heard of her? Well, it's not
> likely that you would have.
>
> Simmons, a former exotic dancer, has shown up to
> many a reality show castings. (I work for Fox). To
> add hilarity to the stew, she was rejected thrice by
> "The Bachelor".
>
> Simmons is not the only television hopeful who has
> shown her face at numerous open call castings.
>
> The actress (and I use that term loosely) who plays
> "Mrs. Michelle", New York's mother, Leslie Bibbs, is
> not only of no relation to Simmons, but once stood
> in the same cattle call line with her at an open
> call for a B.E.T reality show.
>
> Another amazing tidbit: Bibbs and Simmons are only 5
> years apart in age.
>
> I've never heard much about the actor playing Mr.
> New York, but my friend seems to think he works at
> VH1.

Quote of the Day

Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.
- Buddha

What I'm Feeling Right Now

Love this song. It's an amazing CD. If you don't have it...get it.



J- Holiday Back of My Lac

So Why do You Have Sex?

Remember this article that made a bit of a stir a few months back:

Why People Have Sex: 237 Reasons

Miranda Hitti

WebMD Medical News

Reviewed by Louise Chang, MD

Aug. 1, 2007 -- Why do people have sex? A new study counts the ways and comes up with 237 reasons.

The reasons range from the sublime to the scandalous. Some motivations came from the heart. Others came from elsewhere in the anatomy.

The leading reason for sex was, "I was attracted to the person," according to the study, which appears in the August issue of the Archives of Sexual Behavior.

The study comes from Cindy Meston, PhD, and David Buss, PhD, of the psychology department at the University of Texas at Austin.

First, they asked 203 men and 241 women aged 17-52 in Austin, Texas, to anonymously list every reason they had ever had sex. Those men and women were taking psychology classes or were participating in other studies at the Sexual Psychophysiology Laboratory of the University of Texas.

All in all, participants listed 715 reasons for having sex. The researchers deleted repetitions, boiling the list down to 237 reasons.

Next, Meston and Buss presented the list to 1,549 psychology students and asked them to rate how often, if ever, they had had sex for each of the 237 reasons.

The Top 10 Reasons Men Have Sex

1. I was attracted to the person.
2. It feels good.
3. I wanted to experience the physical pleasure.
4. It's fun.
5. I wanted to show my affection to the person.
6. I was sexually aroused and wanted the release.
7. I was "horny."
8. I wanted to express my love for the person.
9. I wanted to achieve an orgasm.
10. I wanted to please my partner.

Top Ten Reasons Women Have Sex

1. I was attracted to the person.
2. I wanted to experience the physical pleasure.
3. It feels good.
4. I wanted to show my affection to the person.
5. I wanted to express my love for the person.
6. I was sexually aroused and wanted the release.
7. I was "horny."
8. It's fun.
9. I realized I was in love.
10. I was "in the heat of the moment."

I remember when I first read this article I chuckled and then I was like...well...why do I have sex? I'd say out of the top ten the following applies to me:

1. I was attracted to the person.
2. It feels good.
3. I wanted to experience the physical pleasure.
4. It's fun
5. I was sexually aroused and wanted the release.
6. I was "horny."
7. I wanted to achieve an orgasm.
8. I was "in the heat of the moment"

Also a couple of reasons for me that made the list but aren't on the top ten are:

1. I was bored
2. I was lonely
3. I wanted to be closer to God

So there you have it. That's why I have sex. Now the question is: Why do you have sex?

You can read the entire article by clicking in the sidebar under "Articles"

Quote of he Day

Black Folks checking each other is really the best part of our tradition. Harriet Tubman had a BIBLE and a GUN.
- Tavis Smiley on the TJMS

Quote of the Day

I am America. I am the part you won't recognize. But get used to me. Black, confident, cocky; my name, not yours; my religion, not yours; my goals, my own; get used to me.
- Muhammad Ali

Quote of the Day

I still find each day too short for all the thoughts I want to think, all the walks I want to take, all the books I want to read, and all the friends I want to see.
- John Burroughs

Quote of the Day

We do not see first and then define; we define first and then see.
- Walter Lippman

Hard Dick and Tricks

Quote of the Day

Stop liking the dick that don't like us.
- Alexyss K. Tylor

Get a Life

Rule #4: Get a Life

Get a Life. It never ceases to amaze me how many women sit and complain that they can never meet a man but when you question them further you realize that all they do everyday is go home, go to work and go to church.

Newsflash: You're a grown ass woman. You need to do more then go to work, go home and go to church.

And how the hell do you expect to meet somebody if you're not out there...well...meeting people. And when I say get a life I don't mean go to your local nightclub or watering hole, I mean take up some activities. Try dancing, intramural sports or volunteer to sit on a committee that's planning on putting on a big event (church committees don't count)...something.

Not only will you enrich your life by getting involved in your community or picking up a new hobby but you will increase your chances of not only meeting someone but meeting someone who shares similar interests as you. How great would that be.

So once again I say....Get a Life. Not only might you find something you can be passionate about you may find someone you can be passionate about. And in the end that's what it's all about...wouldn't you say.


Related Posts
How to Get a Date

Quote of the Day

Green is the prime color of the world, and that from which its loveliness arises.
- Pedro Calderon de la Barca

For the Broken Hearted Out There

Quote of the Day

I have great hopes that we shall love each other all our lives as much as if we had never married at all.
- Lord Byron

Looks Don't Matter...But Really They Do

A German study shows what we all know but what we rarely want to admit.

Science is confirming what most women know: When given the choice for a mate, men go for good looks.

And guys won't be surprised to learn that women are much choosier about partners than they are.

"Just because people say they're looking for a particular set of characteristics in a mate, someone like themselves, doesn't mean that is what they'll end up choosing," Peter M. Todd, of the cognitive science program at Indiana University, Bloomington, said in a telephone interview.

The study goes on to say that women are much choosier about their mates and very aware of their attractiveness and how it relates to their choices in men.

Women's actual choices, like men's, did not reflect their stated preferences, but they made more discriminating choices, the researchers found.

The scientists said women were aware of the importance of their own attractiveness to men, and adjusted their expectations to select the more desirable guys.

"Women made offers to men who had overall qualities that were on a par with the women's self-rated attractiveness. They didn't greatly overshoot their attractiveness," Todd said, "because part of the goal for women is to choose men who would stay with them."

But, he added, "they didn't go lower. They knew what they could get and aimed for that level."

To read the rest of the article click in the sidebar under "Articles." How does this study pertain to Black women? Well, if you're smart you'd take what it says to heart and act accordingly. I know that sounds a little harsh but it is what it is.

This isn't the only study that confirms something we all know but don't want to admit: Looks matter and no amount of wishing otherwise is going to change that. So what do I suggest?

1. 50 - 60% of Black women are overweight or obese. If I fell into that category (and I do) I do what it takes to get fit and healthy.

2. Always look your best when you're out. You never know who you're gonna meet. Instead of going out in those old sewats and raggedy t-shirts with the poorly done pony tail try the cute sweatsuit, sleek ponytail and a touch of lip gloss. Yeah it sounds 1950-ish but last I checked they actually got married back then.

3. Take care of yourself. That includes steps 1 and 2 but it also means finding time to relax, de-stress, making sure you're healthy, going for your check ups, facials, manis, pedis (if you can afford them, if not do it yourself) and just all around doing what you can to make sure you're as physically attractive to the opposite sex as possible.


Remember you can be right or you can win. Wanting someone to love you for your insides is great. But they'll never get to know you if your outside isn't what it should be.

Signs are Everywhere

Rule #3: Pay attention to the signs and act accordingly.

About a year ago I met a guy at a night club. It was really dark so I didn't really know what he looked like but I new he was short, dark and had a nice body. Anyway he asks for my number and I'm like, "what the heck."

Fast forward about a month and I get a phone call from a number I don't recognize. i answer and it's the guy from the club. He says he was going through his phone, saw the number and decided to call before he deleted it. So we talk for about an hour and have a FABULOUS conversation. This pops off two months of dating. But almost immediately I recognize something isn't right.

Dude has fly clothes, a fly ride, made it rain in the club and ALWAYS drank top shelf, just basically spent money like it was going out of style....with no job. Yeah he was a student and he could have been living off of financial aid (his dad provided no support) but he ws driving a 2007 Charger fully loaded. Things didn't add up. Add to that that anytime I asked him about work he got real mum. He was very open abut everything else but that.

So while we had a god time things never went anywhere. We hung out but I never let it go further then that because I figured dude was dealing or doing something illegal for him to be living the big life as a (broke) jobless college student.

I could have easily overlooked that and just paid attention to the fact that we had a great time together and he was an IBM (ideal Black Man): Fine, college educated, single and no kids. And then acted all shocked and amazed when down the line I find out he's dealing or up to other shady activities.


This is what I mean when I say, "Signs are everywhere and to act accordingly." It's so easy to overlook OBVIOUS signs that a person or a relationship isn't right for you. Women, especially Black women, can be so happy to have a man or to have found their ideal man that they overlook what should be red flags about who a person is and how they relate to you.

Don't overlook the signs...good or bad...because ultimately not paying attention to the obvious can cost you dearly.


Related Posts
Knowing When to Move On
Knowing When to Move on Pt. 2

Quote of the Day

I don't know why your heart doesn't do what your mind tells it.
- Sidney Shaw, Brown Sugar (2004)