Saturday, January 03, 2009

Why Down Low Men Aren't the Problem

Down Low men aren't the problem.

I'm really tired of black women believing that the biggest risk to their sexual health is the idea that they may be sleeping with a man who is sleeping with other men.

The biggest risk to black woman's sexual health is the lack of condom use and unfaithful men period. It doesn't matter who he's being unfaithful with, it just matters that he's not only sleeping with you, and you're not using protection with him. That's how you catch ish. That's what you need to concern yourself with.

Every since that dude wrote that book many black women have been treating every black man they encounter as a suspect. How many times have a heard someone say, "Girl, you need to be careful. He might be on the Down Low."

Funny, but I rarely hear women mention this caution when they think or know their man is sleeping with another woman. Where's the concern then? Where's the fear?

Newsflash: there is no evidence or study that shows black women are contracting sexually transmitted diseases because the men they are sleeping with are all secretly gay, just in the closet.

If we were to have an honest discussion about factors that contribute to black women contracting HIV and other STDs then the mass incarceration of black males would be part of that conversation. What everyone knows, but no one likes to talk about, is that sex in prison is normative.

Men who otherwise wouldn't be having homosexual encounters do so when in prison. And many of these men don't consider themselves gay and don't go on to lead gay lives once they leave prison. Since sex is against the rules in prison, no one is passing out condoms and diseases are being spread. These men get out, go back to sleeping with women, women aren't insisting on condoms or don't use them regularly and volia you've got high STD rates among a certain age and class of black women.

But instead of having that conversation, everyone is running around hopping, skipping, jumping and being afraid of the Down Low. It's a new year. If we're not honest with ourselves about what the dangers are, then how can we address the problems. Every black man isn't suspect and it's high time black women stop treating them like they are.

16 comments:

SingLikeSassy said...

Just stopping through to cosign and signify on this right 'chere.

Brothers Blog said...

I think that regardless of who you're sleeping with in todays times there is no room for error and condoms must be used at all times.

tasha212 said...

I think that JL King made a ment scaring black women into believeing that there is a down-low dilemma. I suspect that he knew what he was doing. Homophobia is rampant in the black community.

Sunshyne said...

wrap it up!! the only person u can control is u

Luvologist said...

Condoms. Very simple answer.

Anonymous said...

Clapping so loudly...Best believe that there is a double standard when it comes to Cheat men straight/or down low. One of my best gf contacted genital herpes from a man who swore he was messing around. When his wife called her to tell her that she takes Valtrex and she went to go get tested now she has it. Even when I was separated from my DH, I kept getting UTI and stuff cause I was having unprotected sex with my husband who was knowingly cheating with me with another woman. It is a crap shoot to know if you are safe or not. I just wish that people could be honest to what they are doing and stop jeopardizing others lives.

blackwomenblowthetrumpet.blogspot.com said...

Hello there!

A condom will not prevent AIDS/HIV and black women are not contracting AIDS/HIV from down-low men... they are contracting AIDS/HIV from many "high risk" sexual behaviors...

If you ask MOST black women to honestly tell you how long they screen a man BEFORE jumping into bed, a large percentage will say that they will jump in bed with a man on the first or second date....

Now THAT is not time to understand a man's sexual history!! Most men will say they don't have a girlfriend but that doesn't mean (IN HIS MIND) that he's not having sex with four different women who he considers "friends"....

Many black women are also NOT admitting that they are not consistent with their condom use...they will start OUT using a condom and then after a month of being with the same man and THINKING he's exclusively sexually involved, she decides there's NO NEED for condoms....as if his sexual history just disappears from the equation after a month??!!

I really am concerned for our sistas out there who are not choosing celibacy until marriage....

Yes...THAT seems extreme...but there are A LOT of risks that are taken by not being celibate until marriage...and black women are dying from AIDS/HIV more than any other group of women in this country....

Peace, blessings and DUNAMIS!
Lisa

Just a little reminder!! (smiles) You can vote for my blog Jan 5-12 in the The Weblog Awards!!

JJ said...

A condom will prevent AIDS/HIV. Condoms will prevent most sexually transmitted diseases with the exception of HPV, Herpes, Pubic Lice (Crabs) and other sexually transmitted diseases that are transmitted through skin to skin contact.

Black women contract AIDS/HIV because they don't use condoms regularly and are engaging in sex with high risk men.

Also because of the lack of marriage in the black community people have more sexual partners overall whch puts them at risk for catching STDs.

While condoms aren't 100% they do an excellent job of stemming the spread of STDs. That's how Uganda managed to get its HIV/AIDS rates down.

Celibacy isn't for everyone. Nor do I beleive it should be. People need to take the necessary precautions to protect themselves if they are going to be sexually active.

Princess0889 said...

Girl you are right on the money. This is something me and my girls discussed before we went out on new years and that is the same conclusion we came to.
But you can't tell grown folks nothing most of them believe that no protection is the new commitment.

clnmike said...

Condoms when used properly will prevent moste STI that are not contact based.

I agree 100% with this post it is the lack of use condoms and not DL men that are the root cause of the spread of HIV.

Anonymous said...

downlow men are the filth of the Earth.

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obidient4u said...

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