Monday, January 05, 2009

So What's the Real Reason You Aren't Married?

One lady has taken a very proactive approach to getting married with her site: 52 Weeks to Find My Husband. From her About Me page:

52 weeks 2 Find Him is a social experiment that focuses on a 42 year-old woman's journey to find her husband. It is an online documentary that is shaped by Neenah's actions and reactions, along with viewers' participation. What happens when a woman invites the world to become her dating coach? Each week, we invite you to tune-in and join-in by helping with Neenah's search, as she explores: the many methods of meeting eligible men, preparing for dates, and maintaining a healthy, romantic relationship.

Now I recognize what she's doing is extreme, but at least she's doing something. We can talk all day long about how there are no available black men, how they all date white women and how they are all in jail or on the down low. For me, however, that all sounds like a bunch of excuses. To me, the perceived issues with black men aren't really the problem. And mind you, I'm not talking about poor, uneducated women here. I'm talking about you well educated, professional sisters who seem to be successful in every aspect of your life other than romantically.

So once again I ask, what's the real reason you're single?

For those of you who don't want to be married and are happily single, I'm not talking about you. I'm talking about women who (in some cases desperately) want to be married or at the very least partnered up...why are you single?

I contend that getting married isn't that hard to do. Getting a boyfriend definitely isn't that hard to do. I do know that if you aren't proactive about either of the above then they become increasingly difficult to do.

My aunt, when she was 60 (she'll be 67 this month) got married for the second time. She met a man at her pinochle club meeting, dated him, and he proposed. Prior to this she had other relationships, all as an over 40 woman with a daughter in college (she had three other grown daughters) and adopting her niece's daughter who died in a car accident.

She is overweight, though shapely. She isn't light-skinned, doesn't have long her and her eyes are an uninspiring brown. She would best be described as a handsome woman, though she is extra fly. And, as far as I can remember she has always had a man...when she wanted one.

So, if my 67 year old aunt can be on her second husband and did so while being a single parent to a then tween aged daughter, why are you young, attractive, no children having twenty, thirty and forty-somethings having such a hard time finding, keeping and marrying a man?

Are you dating?
Do you have a life?
Are you waiting for God to bring you a man?


And I think if you're serious about finding someone in the 09 then you need to answer that question and then you need to do something about it.


and1grad said... are so not gonna win friends with this one! lol said...

Hello there!

I read about that woman at another blog and if THAT is what she feels she has to do in order to find someone then that's her own choice.

I personally would not take that approach but everyone can/should make their own decisions about how to go about making their goals happen.

Many black women are unpartnered because they fail to understand that "only but a black man" mentality is the VERY REASON why so many of us stay unmarried for most of our lives.

The statistics are quite women outnumber black men in EVERY major city by six to one.

Ladies, there WILL NOT be one brotha for every sista. It is a mathematical impossibility.

Now that we understand the statistics we realize that we have to expand our options to men of other races. In order to expand our options, we need to become more aware of the norms and expectations that other cultures operate with and NOT assume that what's okay in the all-black setting will be how everyone is in all settings.

I believe that black women can find love but they need to understand that we have to break out of the fantasy and accept some of the reality. We need to become multicultural in our lives. It is not an option.

Peace, blessings and DUNAMIS!

Just a teeny reminder (smiles) can vote for my blog today in The Weblog Awards!!

Ebony Intuition said...

This post is funny, but so true lol luv it.

Anonymous said...

Love in the air. I think sometimes is cool not get married. That's mu opion.


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