Monday, January 05, 2009

Saying "Only a Black Man for Me" Means You'll be "Alone and Lonely"

From a reader:
I read about that woman at another blog and if THAT is what she feels she has to do in order to find someone then that's her own choice.

I personally would not take that approach but everyone can/should make their own decisions about how to go about making their goals happen.

Many black women are unpartnered because they fail to understand that "only but a black man" mentality is the VERY REASON why so many of us stay unmarried for most of our lives.

The statistics are quite clear...black women outnumber black men in EVERY major city by six to one.

Ladies, there WILL NOT be one brotha for every sista. It is a mathematical impossibility.

Now that we understand the statistics we realize that we have to expand our options to men of other races. In order to expand our options, we need to become more aware of the norms and expectations that other cultures operate with and NOT assume that what's okay in the all-black setting will be how everyone is in all settings.

I believe that black women can find love but they need to understand that we have to break out of the fantasy and accept some of the reality. We need to become multicultural in our lives. It is not an option.

I'm not saying you have to go out and date a white man, but some of ya'll live in predominantly white neighborhoods, work at predominantly white jobs and only see other black people when you hang out with your friends and go to church and we all know most of the people in pews look like you...but ya'll are still hollering, "Only a black man for me!"

Come on.

Really?

Some of ya'll really having me scratching my head saying WTF?

Look, there is no need to be a martyr for 'The Cause.' You don't get brownie points for "keeping it real" by not dating out of yur race. And some of ya'll are so far gone that you won't even date men of the diaspora. Some of ya'll, when you say black, mean Black American and that eliminates Africans, Hatians, Jamaicans and other men of the diaspora.

I know so many women who sit around and complain about the numbers, but then don't want to do anything about it. So many women I know can run down a litany of reasons why brothers are the worst thing since the Bubonic Plague, yet when you mention the idea of them dating out they look at you like you just suggested they become lesbians.

Get with the program. Keep your options open. Go on a date. And see what happens. As we all know time stops for no man and if you're sitting around talking about, "only a black man for me," then you might as well be saying, "I'm going to be alone and lonely."

2 comments:

and1grad said...

Totally agree. A lot of black women carry around the fact they only want to date black men as some kind of badge of honor or a tribute to their forefathers. Seems misguided.

blackwomenblowthetrumpet.blogspot.com said...

Hi Tamika! {waves}

Wow!

Thanks for featuring my comment! I discuss this issue at my blog in the post "Who Even Cares If Broathas Want White Women?" and "Desperately Seeking Wifehood".

It's time for us to break out of the fantasy bubble.

Peace, blessings and DUNAMIS!
Lisa

P.S. You can vote for my blog in The Weblog Awards! I am the only sista in my category and right now am in 5th place in the polls!