Monday, December 15, 2008

Why the Other Woman Isn't the Problem

Originally Posted 092008 on t-time

The Other Woman isn’t the problem.

I know this is hard for many women to believe, but it’s true. Too often I’ve seen women go after the Other Chick while never, ever going after their men. Or, if they go after their man, it’s never quite with the same ferocity as they do the Other Woman. Or better yet, they manage to forgive the man, but not the person the man was cheating with.

I also love how, on many sites that deal with infidelity issues, there are often posts that discuss how we (the community) have to start holding women who “prey” on married men accountable. Right. But how about the men who prey on married women…or the married men who prey on single women…we don’t need to hold them accountable?

But I digress.

Back to the Other Woman.

The reason why the Other Woman is not a problem is because she had no loyalty to you. She didn’t swear in front of God and country to love, honor and cherish you, she didn’t ask you to marry her, she didn’t request that you be her lady. Nothing. She has no responsibility to you what-so-ever. And that’s what women who are ready to “cut a bitch,” seem to forget.

There’s a blog over on A Belle in Brooklyn where a woman stayed married to man for 32 years even though he had been cheating on her from day 1. He cheated so much it became defacto normal. So much so, she used to press his clothes so he could go to the club. While that didn’t make her leave, when she found out their home was in foreclosure because he’d been paying the mortgage on his current mistresses condo and not on their family home — did…but like I said, this was 32 years in to the debacle that was their marriage.

So, In this post she expresses that she’s forgiven her ex-husband, but clearly still had a lot of animosity toward the women who were cheating with her man. To that, all I could say was…huh?

Unless a woman is a close relative or friend there is little reason for your anger to be directed at her. I can understand being upset, but I’ve never been truly mad at a woman who was messing with my man if she didn’t know me from Eve…even if she knew he was taken when she got involved. In the one instance where my friend ended up with my boyfriend, I had little to say to her until she tried to talk to me sideways. The only person who receives the brunt of my anger is the man I am involved with and that’s as it should be. He’s the one I gave my time, body and love too. He’s the one who’s supposed to be faithful to me. He’s the one who needs to be “cut.” No one else.

So ladies, save your anger for the person who is responsible for your pain…your cheating man. Please, no stalking of said chick, no catfights, no keying of any cars (well maybe his Wink ), just remember she isn’t your problem…he is.

6 comments:

ExWifey#1 said...

Amen..I learn all of this the hard way. When I did find out his ass was cheating, I called her. I told her what was up and she came back at me with "He is his own Entity". Now fast forward, we are divorced. But she got mad at an text message that I sent him and called me. She made it clear that she was his wife now..LOL, I wanted to pee on myself that day. Cause my eyes were opened to who he really is. I had this blind faith that he was one thing but he was not. I kind of feel sorry for her cause she is blind. My gain is her lost cause I can have him anytime and send him on back to her. I am so glad for not giving her a beat down. I am a better woman for taking the higher back road.

Charmaine said...

Wow@ comment above!

I would blame both. I just can't see how a woman who knowingly sleeps with a man she knows is married/involved is not at fault. Hell, some women consider it a game and live their life trying to "win" someone else's man. Why? For the recognition of being able to. And to me, yes that deserves a can of beatdown.

Ebony Intuition said...

Great post, so true.

Cristina said...

I recently came across your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I don't know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often.


Deborah

Term Life Insurance

Untouched Jewel said...

Ok, I must say that I agree with Charmaine. They are BOTH to blame. I went through this kind of thing with my ex/son's father a few years ago. He cheated with his other baby mama and got the broad pregnant. She, however had an abortion (such a copout). Anyway, I was pissed at them both. I said what was needed to be said to her, because she already knew about me from jump. And I said what was needed to him, because he was the one that initiated the situation to begin with. So, I let the both of them have it. And to this day, he and I haven't gotten back together relationship wise. I broke it off to get the point across to him that he's not gonna screw me over and I take him back so he can do it all over again.
But one way to go about things maturely is by sitting both of them down in the same room with you and telling them both to go to hell. LOL.

Sunshyne said...

u got that right!