Monday, August 04, 2008

How Soon is to Soon for Sex?

So how soon is too soon for sex in a relationship?

This is a question that women constantly agonize over. In a world that's still quick to label a woman who falls out of accepted sexual norms, many women are still weary of "getting their numbers up."

Well, my short answer to this question is whatever seems right for you. Having sex with someone is an intensely personal decision. You need to feel comfortable with your decision and only do what seems like the right decision for you.

Now with that said I'll tell you the rules I live my life by:

1. When a girl just wants to have fun. There really isn't a right time or wrong time in this scenario. If I like you and you like me and we're on the same page--then all systems go. Suit up and enjoy the ride so to speak.

2. Looking for a relationship. I've got a pretty solid (at least) two month rule. Usually at the two month mark you have at least 3 or 4 dates under your belt and you have a pretty good idea of who the person is. You know whether you all have enough in common to make a relationship work, whether there is something that should keep you from dating him or hell just whether you even like the guy as much as you thought.

Rarely has my two month rule failed me. And unfortunately for a lot of men have aided in my decision to keep my panties on. The other thing is, no matter how great the relationship is, there is no sex unless we end up together.

Otherwise you end up in what I like to call a pseudo-relationship, ya'll together in everything but name only, yet dude is giving you fifty-elven excuses about why ya'll are not "official." Oh, but he reserves the right to be mad if he finds out you're seeing someone else.

No thank you. I'll pass.

In the end. How you decided to navigate the sexual waters is up to you, but make sure it's you do so in a way that works for you and your needs, wants and desires and not because you feel pressured into doing something to make someone else feel good.


goddess said...

ok babe! can i get an amen..i said can i get an AMENNNN!!! Another good one. Man, those are two good paths to take and one must know what they want and set their own goal. But the only thing I can add is im SUPER guilty for just 'wanting to have fun' and then trying to turn it into a relationship ;) To any other chickies guilty of this Beware! If you bang too soon...for some reason they cut down on 4play?!!! what's that all about??

Gangstarr Girl said...

Given the scenarios you've presented, which I agree with, I think a woman just needs to know and be 100% clear with what she want. If it's all about fun, then fine, have sex with him and keep it moving. I you're not someone who can do that, then you probably wanna hold out and get to know dude. At least if you wait, you won't question your sanity, wondering why the hell you slept with him (or her, if you get down like that).

Cherish said...

I agree with you 100% with that 2 month rule. Because by then you should know that person well enough. Sad to say tho I havent always followed that rule and I was once young and dumb and fell victim for about 5 years. I wanted to just have fun and actually turned my fun into a 5 yr relationship that was still pretty much just fun for him because if I was just meeting him today he wouldnt get past the 2 week mark with me.

Anonymous said...

I personally stand by a 3 month rule. For me two months is about the time he is getting itchy 'cause there is still no play but not itchy enough to say let's be a couple. If he dips a month two then I understand in his mind I was not worth the wait. Better for both of us that he is gone. But oh if he can wait 90 days and is willing to say I want you in my life then yeppers he is a keeper.

President Anthony Taurus said...

for me, it's going to take time. i'm afraid of women. there are some serious predators out there and i am NOT tryin to get trapped by some condom pokin baby momma tryin to get me into court and shit LOL. so i have to get to know you, trust you, build with you. if we're really into each other, that can move quickly. i'll definitely rock a 69 with a shorty before i go about doin the real thing. cuz we all know sometimes, you just gotta get ya rocks off and sittin at home beatin off to OTHER people fuckin aint the move. but, when I wake up givin the mattress a proper fuck, i gotta handle that by any means necessary. but that's a different issue.

there's no real time limit with me. it really depends on how we vibe together. but i don't foresee anything going over 3 months. if i don't know something bout yo ass by then, that's a problem.

Never200 said...

I've been in a LOT of pseudo-limbo-unofficial-bs relationships to have learned my lesson. I take your approach and embrace it wholeheartedly. If I am into him, I wait. If I just wanna have fun, and will be satisfied if it ends there, I go for it. Sounds backwards, but it works for me.