Saturday, September 22, 2007

There's Been So...

...much going on that I haven't been able to post. So much. The biggest thing is I moved. Yea! But, like much in my life, there was drama with that. Lol. Anywho, more later. Just thought I'd drop a line for now.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

This Post Was Supposed...

...to be about The Body who he is and what he's about outside of being just "The Body." Instead, however, it's going to be about how he just royally fucked up with me and as far as I'm concerned can be relegated to the 2am phone call slot.

So he gives me a ride to Publix today. Now mind you I could have asked any number of people to give me a lift to Publix but I asked him to see if:

A. He'd do it
B. Just to spend some not-in-the-house time hanging out and chatting. Trying to get to know him better.

So I get the car and with in 5 minutes we're in an argument (he says it wasn't an argument. whatever. a rose by any other name...)about his car. He made some comment about it being an SUV and I said it wasn't an SUV more like a bloated car.

Now I wasn't malicious. I really was just joking. And the next thing I know he's going off about how is car is an SUV and etc. Etc.

So I'm like, look is this really something to be fussing about? Is this something to argue about? He says no and we go on.

So then I ask him about football (He's aspiring (or is) a pro ball player). Why did I even go there? I made the mistake of asking if he was serious about it or how serious he was about it and he went on and on and on. Of course he's serious and he wrote a book about it (yes he wrote a book, how we already talked about this, and I don't remember anything, etc. etc.

Whoa.

My bad.

Must have mis-phrased my question.

Wasn't trying to offend.

Alright. So I change the topic and asked him about what's he trying to do besides play ball. Now at this point we are out of the car and walking into Publix. This turns into a big argument because he SWEARS that he's told me all of this stuff before (his internship at Ferguson. his mom's medical spa. and other stuff.) and I'm like no, you didn't. I didn't know any of this. This turns into an argument.

So now he catches an attitude and hits me with the:

I'm just going to stay in the car.

WTF?

So I'm trying to convince him NOT to stay in the car. He's not having it.

At this point this little (well she wasn't that little) old white lady sees the exchange and says to me:

Oh honey it's a shame when you can't show your man off in the store.

I laugh and say he's not my man. We're just friends.

At this point The Body returns to ask me how long would I be and I say I'm not sure.

The old lady takes this opportunity to say to him what she just said to me and he hits her with:

I'm not her man. With such arrogance and venom that I'm taken aback.

It was so bad that a couple old Black ladies walking by stop and stare and the old White lady follows along with me in the store to say to me how rude and arrogant that was and that it wouldn't have hurt him to just go along with and smile and laugh it off.

Hell, I felt the same way.

The old White lady ends it with: Better you than me.

Yeah.

Yeah.

The old White lady had also said to me that she'd been married for x amount of years and her husband would have never, never done anything like that to her.

Thanks old White lady for rubbing it in.

I appreciate it.

So instead of doing the grocery shopping I had planned on doing I bought what I needed for the potluck I'm having tomorrow night and that's it.

When I got back in the car he was surprised to see that I was back so fast and I guess tried to redeem himself by pointing out the I like to debate and that he doesn't haven't time for that and that he is a grown ass man (he's 22) ad he doesn't have time for playing around (that was in reference to when I said that I was joking about the whole 'bloated car' thing)

Whatever.

This is why I say keep a pair and a spare 'cause you never know when someone is going to act a fool.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

So Whose Penis...

...was I drowning my sorrows on? No not Jack (Jack is the guy I talk about here, here and here)but The Body.

Yeah you read right. I said The Body. He's so fine that he makes GH look fat. Yeah. It's that serious.

I actually met The Body last school year. I was really checking for his boy. This dude I'd been crushing on before I'd met GH. But his boy wasn't paying me no mind.

Later we met again in the J-School Director's office and had a nice little conversation. I knew he was hot but not quite as hot as I now realize he is. That was it. He never seemed interested in me and I didn't give him much thought either.

Anyway fast forward to a week or two ago and I meet The Body again in the gym. He comes over and makes some widely inappropriate comment and I give him a pass because

A. I'm thinking: Why is he talking to me exactly.
B. Ahh he's a boneheaded male. They seem to like saying dumb shit to me.

Anywho we get to talking and flirting and he invites me to this Labor Day jet skiing event he's hosting and he gives me his number.

I text him the Friday before Labor Day. But that's the last communication we had because my cellphone ends up stolen that night (yeah me and my homegirl are leaving the club and we get back to the car and my cell phone that was in the glove department is gone. The car is there but my cell phone is not. SMH) so I don't text him again until that Tuesday when I get my new phone.

Anywho I invite him over one night not soon after that and the funniest thing happened:

When he stepped out of the car I thought I was going to pass out. LOL. Dude so damn built I just didn't know what to do.

He gets in the house and he's sitting on the couch and at some point (I think he'd asked for a massage) he takes his shirt off and I'm like:

Dude..no..put the shirt back on. You can't be in my house like that. LOL.

Anyway the night ends with some more laughs. A few days later I discover that he has something else that GH doesn't have:

A penis the size of a coke can but longer.

Don't let folk fool you. Just because they have muscles, doesn't mean they ain't packing. I know.

That also proved to be a funny night as well because I looked at it and said:

That's not gonna fit.

The first time he'd come through I realized he had a rather large penis because he came to the house with gym shorts on and no drawers (sigh) and it became quite OBVIOUS really fast that he was packing heavy.

Anyway I made a comment about the fact that his boy parts were ginormous. And what the hell did he expect someone to do with that.

He remarked that his penis was smaller then a baby.

To which I replied -- I had a Cesarean Section.

LOL.

Needless to say I was right. It didn't fit. It wasn't even half way in and I was ooohing and ouching the whole time.

SMH.

I'm gonna have to get some practice in. Extra large dildo here I come.

LOL.

Quote of the Day

Any idiot can face a crisis - it's day to day living that wears you out.
- Anton Chekhov

How Do You Make...

...peace with a dying relative?

My cousin is dying of AIDS. He's 25 and has had full blown AIDS at least since he was 19. At one point we were really close. He's like my brother. So much so that that is how my family refers to him. As my brother.

Anyway we've been estranged for awhile for reasons too numerous to mention here. But I got a phone call last night from my mom telling me that he was back in the hospital in ICU and it didn't look good.

About a year ago now we had a big scare thinking that was it. The doctor's said as much but by some miracle of miracles he made it through.

I'd like to make up. No need in having him dying with us on such bad (maybe not bad but definitely not good) terms.

But I don't really know what to do. I'm not good here. Not with this.

what do I do?

So The Reason For...

...all of the Al Green, broken heart posts is because I ran into GH at the club on Saturday.

Yeah.

I knew he was going to be there. It was the after-party for the first home game so there was no doubt that he was going to be there.

And the club was THICK.

Anywho. We've go about 50 minutes left in the club before it closes and low and behold who do I see.

Not only do I see him but he and his homeboys sit at the table RIGHT NEXT TO ME AND MY HOMEGIRLS!

What the fuck?

I was UPSET. I mean it's cool you speak and whatnot but to sit at the table next to me? I call foul dude.

You know what the situation is. You know I haven't seen, heard, spent any time with you in ages (since the time he bent me over the couch right before school started. Don't ask) and you post up next to me in the club?

Proper "we're no longer dealing because I'm a trifling ass negro" etiquette would dictate that you move your ass.

But he didn't.

Sigh.

Other than that it was a great night.

So what does any self-respecting, broken hearted girl do when the dude she's in love with pops up unexpectedly at the club and plops his ever so fine ass down next to her completely ruining her last hour at the club?

Well, she texts someone when she leaves the club and asks what they're doing and would they like to come over for a bit of nighttime fun.

Yep.

So how do you mend a broken heart?

By drowning your sorrows on someone else's penis.

So, How Do You...

...mend a broken heart?

On somebody else's penis I say.

Sunday, September 09, 2007

Quote of the Day

I'm too attached, my heart won't let me fall back
I got it bad, that's what you can call that (ah)
When I see you in the streets, that's the worse for me

- Bow Wow, Out of My System

Cause Sometimes Only Al Will Do





Wednesday, September 05, 2007

The Roster...

...is back!

I'm still working out the details though. This go around they'll be a list of starters AND bench players. Ima keep it real proper...LOL.

Stay tuned...

So I'm convinced....

...that the Universe is trying to turn me into a ho. Really. Why u say? Because the Universe is having men fall out of the sky like flies--right into my lap. And not just any kind of men. Hot men. Smart men. Artistic men. Ambitious men. Men who'd make Michelangelo's David jealous.

Whew.

What's a girl to do?

I can't sleep with them all.

Even though it might be nice to try.

LOL.

Seriously though, I think I'm going to go on a man hiatus (a.k.a. keep my panties on) 'cause the pressure of it all is just crazy. I'm on man sensory overload.

I mean, I meet dudes all of the time. ALL OF THE TIME. But lately the crop has been extra hot. Extra, extra hot. With some real potential outside of just good looks.

Sigh.

There are definitely worse problems to have.

Oh And Did...

...I mention how old boy was a sucking on my toes? LOL. Yeah he had me giggling like a little girl. It was CRAZY. Talk about the full body treatment.

The Universe...

...must be trying to make up for all the crap it's been throwing at me lately. 'Cause I swear the last week of my life has been down right entertaining. More later.