Tuesday, September 11, 2007

So Whose Penis...

...was I drowning my sorrows on? No not Jack (Jack is the guy I talk about here, here and here)but The Body.

Yeah you read right. I said The Body. He's so fine that he makes GH look fat. Yeah. It's that serious.

I actually met The Body last school year. I was really checking for his boy. This dude I'd been crushing on before I'd met GH. But his boy wasn't paying me no mind.

Later we met again in the J-School Director's office and had a nice little conversation. I knew he was hot but not quite as hot as I now realize he is. That was it. He never seemed interested in me and I didn't give him much thought either.

Anyway fast forward to a week or two ago and I meet The Body again in the gym. He comes over and makes some widely inappropriate comment and I give him a pass because

A. I'm thinking: Why is he talking to me exactly.
B. Ahh he's a boneheaded male. They seem to like saying dumb shit to me.

Anywho we get to talking and flirting and he invites me to this Labor Day jet skiing event he's hosting and he gives me his number.

I text him the Friday before Labor Day. But that's the last communication we had because my cellphone ends up stolen that night (yeah me and my homegirl are leaving the club and we get back to the car and my cell phone that was in the glove department is gone. The car is there but my cell phone is not. SMH) so I don't text him again until that Tuesday when I get my new phone.

Anywho I invite him over one night not soon after that and the funniest thing happened:

When he stepped out of the car I thought I was going to pass out. LOL. Dude so damn built I just didn't know what to do.

He gets in the house and he's sitting on the couch and at some point (I think he'd asked for a massage) he takes his shirt off and I'm like:

Dude..no..put the shirt back on. You can't be in my house like that. LOL.

Anyway the night ends with some more laughs. A few days later I discover that he has something else that GH doesn't have:

A penis the size of a coke can but longer.

Don't let folk fool you. Just because they have muscles, doesn't mean they ain't packing. I know.

That also proved to be a funny night as well because I looked at it and said:

That's not gonna fit.

The first time he'd come through I realized he had a rather large penis because he came to the house with gym shorts on and no drawers (sigh) and it became quite OBVIOUS really fast that he was packing heavy.

Anyway I made a comment about the fact that his boy parts were ginormous. And what the hell did he expect someone to do with that.

He remarked that his penis was smaller then a baby.

To which I replied -- I had a Cesarean Section.


Needless to say I was right. It didn't fit. It wasn't even half way in and I was ooohing and ouching the whole time.


I'm gonna have to get some practice in. Extra large dildo here I come.



orangemoon said...

A damn coke can?


I remember my own Mr. Fantabulous Dick and it wasn't a coke can. More like a ultra thick club.

Godspeed to you, my dear, and lots of lube.

orangemoon said...

Once again... I say this in jest... but I hate you. lol.