So I Just...

...finished texting with The Body. If you don't remember or know who The Body is you can read about him here and here. The funny part about all of this is I haven't talked to him in AGES. I saw him once, briefly, when I was going jogging and he was headed to campus (we live in the same complex). That's it.

Mind you this dude has shown me he is a spoiled brat on more then one occasion. And he stood me up when I asked him to help me move. Basically what happened was the person who was supposed to help me move couldn't 'cause I was moving later then was originally anticipated. All my other options had fallen through and as a last minute shot I text The Body to see if he could do it. He said yeah. But when it came time to move he kept pushing the time back till finally he was like hit him up at 10:45pm and then he could move me. WTF?

So I said forget about it. Eventually my Godsister helped me move. But yeah that was the last time I really had any dealings with him. Anyway tonight at around 2:20 he texts me asking me if I was home. Eventually he gets around to asking me what he really wants: Sex. I'm like, Naw. Well he proceeds to tell me we have different personalities, and he knew we both liked sex and he was just trying to keep it real...yada, yada, yada. I in turn offered to be friends. He basically declined. LOL.

To make a long story short, when it became clear that I wasn't interested in sleeping with him, he tells me how he was only trying to see if he should keep my number in his phone and he can see that he no longer has a use for it. WOW. My feelings are SO HURT. BOO HOO!

Dudes kill me. Why is he calling me? We hooked up a couple times a while back. He's hot. I call him The Body for a reason so I'm sure he can get laid anytime by anybody. So what's the deal? What 'cause he's so built I'm supposed to forget the standing me up and the acting like a spoiled brat? Please. Negro Please.

This Post Was Supposed...

...to be about The Body who he is and what he's about outside of being just "The Body." Instead, however, it's going to be about how he just royally fucked up with me and as far as I'm concerned can be relegated to the 2am phone call slot.

So he gives me a ride to Publix today. Now mind you I could have asked any number of people to give me a lift to Publix but I asked him to see if:

A. He'd do it
B. Just to spend some not-in-the-house time hanging out and chatting. Trying to get to know him better.

So I get the car and with in 5 minutes we're in an argument (he says it wasn't an argument. whatever. a rose by any other name...)about his car. He made some comment about it being an SUV and I said it wasn't an SUV more like a bloated car.

Now I wasn't malicious. I really was just joking. And the next thing I know he's going off about how is car is an SUV and etc. Etc.

So I'm like, look is this really something to be fussing about? Is this something to argue about? He says no and we go on.

So then I ask him about football (He's aspiring (or is) a pro ball player). Why did I even go there? I made the mistake of asking if he was serious about it or how serious he was about it and he went on and on and on. Of course he's serious and he wrote a book about it (yes he wrote a book, how we already talked about this, and I don't remember anything, etc. etc.

Whoa.

My bad.

Must have mis-phrased my question.

Wasn't trying to offend.

Alright. So I change the topic and asked him about what's he trying to do besides play ball. Now at this point we are out of the car and walking into Publix. This turns into a big argument because he SWEARS that he's told me all of this stuff before (his internship at Ferguson. his mom's medical spa. and other stuff.) and I'm like no, you didn't. I didn't know any of this. This turns into an argument.

So now he catches an attitude and hits me with the:

I'm just going to stay in the car.

WTF?

So I'm trying to convince him NOT to stay in the car. He's not having it.

At this point this little (well she wasn't that little) old white lady sees the exchange and says to me:

Oh honey it's a shame when you can't show your man off in the store.

I laugh and say he's not my man. We're just friends.

At this point The Body returns to ask me how long would I be and I say I'm not sure.

The old lady takes this opportunity to say to him what she just said to me and he hits her with:

I'm not her man. With such arrogance and venom that I'm taken aback.

It was so bad that a couple old Black ladies walking by stop and stare and the old White lady follows along with me in the store to say to me how rude and arrogant that was and that it wouldn't have hurt him to just go along with and smile and laugh it off.

Hell, I felt the same way.

The old White lady ends it with: Better you than me.

Yeah.

Yeah.

The old White lady had also said to me that she'd been married for x amount of years and her husband would have never, never done anything like that to her.

Thanks old White lady for rubbing it in.

I appreciate it.

So instead of doing the grocery shopping I had planned on doing I bought what I needed for the potluck I'm having tomorrow night and that's it.

When I got back in the car he was surprised to see that I was back so fast and I guess tried to redeem himself by pointing out the I like to debate and that he doesn't haven't time for that and that he is a grown ass man (he's 22) ad he doesn't have time for playing around (that was in reference to when I said that I was joking about the whole 'bloated car' thing)

Whatever.

This is why I say keep a pair and a spare 'cause you never know when someone is going to act a fool.

So Whose Penis...

...was I drowning my sorrows on? No not Jack (Jack is the guy I talk about here, here and here)but The Body.

Yeah you read right. I said The Body. He's so fine that he makes GH look fat. Yeah. It's that serious.

I actually met The Body last school year. I was really checking for his boy. This dude I'd been crushing on before I'd met GH. But his boy wasn't paying me no mind.

Later we met again in the J-School Director's office and had a nice little conversation. I knew he was hot but not quite as hot as I now realize he is. That was it. He never seemed interested in me and I didn't give him much thought either.

Anyway fast forward to a week or two ago and I meet The Body again in the gym. He comes over and makes some widely inappropriate comment and I give him a pass because

A. I'm thinking: Why is he talking to me exactly.
B. Ahh he's a boneheaded male. They seem to like saying dumb shit to me.

Anywho we get to talking and flirting and he invites me to this Labor Day jet skiing event he's hosting and he gives me his number.

I text him the Friday before Labor Day. But that's the last communication we had because my cellphone ends up stolen that night (yeah me and my homegirl are leaving the club and we get back to the car and my cell phone that was in the glove department is gone. The car is there but my cell phone is not. SMH) so I don't text him again until that Tuesday when I get my new phone.

Anywho I invite him over one night not soon after that and the funniest thing happened:

When he stepped out of the car I thought I was going to pass out. LOL. Dude so damn built I just didn't know what to do.

He gets in the house and he's sitting on the couch and at some point (I think he'd asked for a massage) he takes his shirt off and I'm like:

Dude..no..put the shirt back on. You can't be in my house like that. LOL.

Anyway the night ends with some more laughs. A few days later I discover that he has something else that GH doesn't have:

A penis the size of a coke can but longer.

Don't let folk fool you. Just because they have muscles, doesn't mean they ain't packing. I know.

That also proved to be a funny night as well because I looked at it and said:

That's not gonna fit.

The first time he'd come through I realized he had a rather large penis because he came to the house with gym shorts on and no drawers (sigh) and it became quite OBVIOUS really fast that he was packing heavy.

Anyway I made a comment about the fact that his boy parts were ginormous. And what the hell did he expect someone to do with that.

He remarked that his penis was smaller then a baby.

To which I replied -- I had a Cesarean Section.

LOL.

Needless to say I was right. It didn't fit. It wasn't even half way in and I was ooohing and ouching the whole time.

SMH.

I'm gonna have to get some practice in. Extra large dildo here I come.

LOL.