Monday, October 08, 2007

How To Get a Date

I'm really beginning to think that many a Black woman is clueless on how to get a date. And I don't really understand why that is because getting a date is not that difficult. I could have a date tonight if I wanted one.

If you are a woman who is wanting to date and you aren't getting one, my guess is you're doing 1 of 4 things:

1. Always with other women

2. Not going out where the men are

3. Not going on a date because he doesn't fit your ideal of "The One"

4. Not making the most of opportunities

The first mistake is an easy one to make. When you go out, you go out with your girls. But if you're ALWAYS out with your girls the likelihood of a man approaching you is slim to none. No one wants to get rejected in front of a table full of women. Now, there are two ways you can fix this:

1. When you're out with your girls separate yourself from them from time to time. If you're at a club go to the bathroom by yourself (yes it is possible to do that). If you're going to a restaurant maybe arrive early and hang out at the bar before the rest of the crew arrives. The point is to give a someone the opportunity to talk to you. Otherwise you're going to be sitting around all night asking, "Where the men at?"

2. Go out alone. Yes, I know, shock of all shocks, I said go out alone. No, you won't look desperate and yes you might just meet someone. It's not rocket science. If you want someone to ask you on a date you have to appear available. Being alone can be a good look if getting someone to ask you out is what you're looking for.

The second reason is one many, many women fall into. When I was back home the only places I went was school, home and out with my married girlfriends (yes I was breaking rules 1 and 2). And guess what: I rarely had a date.

So if you're constantly going to the same places and constantly complaining that they're no men then it doesn't take a brain surgeon to realize that maybe, just maybe you need to find some other places to go.

Now before you say, "But JJ I don't know where to go." I'd say take a hard look at your area and ask yourself where the men are hanging out that you'd be interested in meeting. Once you have the answer to that question then you'll know where to go.

The third reason why many Black women are sitting alone on a Saturday night is because you're turning down men before you even go out with them, simply because they don't fit your ideal of "The One."

We've all heard the saying 'You have to kiss many frogs before you find your prince." Well, I'm saying you may not have to kiss them but you definitely have to date them. Dating is an opportunity to get to know people and yes hopefully, eventually, find that special someone. But if you're turning down men before you even go out with them, just because they're not 6'1 or dark skinned, or light skinned, or because they have dreads or don't have dreads, then how are you ever going to meet the man of your dreams.

From my experience people say they want one thing but their actions say they want another. Many of the reasons you'd initially turn a guy down are superficial. Try saying yes where you'd usually say no and you might be surprised. Dating offers you the chance to really get to know what you want and don't want in a man and the more you date the better your chances of finding someone you want to be with.

The last one, not making the most of your opportunities, is easy to do as well. Are you making the most of your opportunities? Really? You need to ask yourself this question and be honest about the answer. Do you flirt with the cute guy in the post office? The single guy you saw in the grocery store, did you say hi? If you're a bus rider like me, did you strike up a conversation with the cutie who sat down next to you? You have to make the most of the opportunities that are presented to you. You're probably meeting available men all of the time. But you're not taking the time to notice because you're so caught up in what you're doing. Start paying attention to your surroundings and you may be surprised at what you find.

Next: Volume Dating


Tracy said...

Thank you , thank you, thank you!!!

It has always amazed me how we women will talk and brag about how strong and "thick" and queenly we are, but when it comes down to using our gifts, we crawl under a rock!!

I myself like online and dating thru our local matchmaking ads in the paper! Yeah, you get some frogs but you also get some surprises too!

Go get em girls, they are out there waiting for you! Take your pepper spray!

I love your blog! Thanks for the link!

Tracy - Sweet Potato Pie

Anonymous said...

Duly noted!
I've designated ESPN Zone as one of my new hangouts every once in a while.

Anonymous said...

i just recently started doing things going to spades night it forces me to sit at a table with ppl i dont know and show my winning personality. poetry readings..museums...check ur city paper and see when a festival/carnival is poppin off in ur neck of the woods...u can go alone but it's not like ne one would care then meet and mingle....

i think i suffer from hellnoitis - i am the one u were talking about in regards to he has locs..umm nuthin if he's shorter then me w/o maybe this wek i'll say yes...within moderation....

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