Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Looking for Love? Let love Find You?

Original Posted 082208 on t-time

So often we have in our head the type of man we want. By the time we’ve graduated form college and head into the real world we’ve perfected our list of must-haves: tall, dark handsome, educated, ambitious, successful or headed in that direction….etc. But what happens when the love we were looking for turns out to look quite differently then the love that finds us?

Currently I find myself in an (almost) relationship with someone who is (almost) nothing like the man I see myself with. He’s not my physical ideal. He’s way to young and his choice of profession leaves a lot to be desired. But he’s sweet, funny and is more emotionally mature then men I’ve dated that were ten years his senior. Even with all of his good qualities I still have a hard time admitting to myself that I like him. I don’t believe that all relationships have to end in marriage or that just because you like (love) someone means that is the person you should be with. Love is but one of many factors that have to be considered but he’s just so different from what I would choose for myself.

It was all an accident how we ended up (sorta) together to begin with but what was supposed to be causal turned into a lot more and I’m still wringing my hands about it. Arguably this is the most relaxed I’ve been with anyone in a long time. Minus a few initial bumps the relationship is drama free. He makes me laugh, I enjoy his company and the sex is good…yet I keep asking myself, “What are you doing with him?” I’m sure I’m not the only one who has found herself in this situation.

I think as women, we sometimes get so wrapped up in what our idea of Mr. Right is that we miss out on an actual Mr. Right that may waltz into out lives. I know I find myself in strange territory. I haven’t been seriously involved with someone in a few years at the earliest and that lasted a few months. And yet here I am, tiptoeing my way into a relationship with caution and my eyes wide open with a man I had determined wasn’t “getting any” and, once we crossed that barrier, was just going to be a “causal relationship, ” all at a time in my life when I definitely wasn’t looking for love.

Maybe that’s the problem. Sometimes we’re just looking to hard. Sometimes, just maybe, we should stop looking for love and let love find us.

8 comments:

clnmike said...

I dont think any one should settle but one should be realistic and patient.

I like to think dating and relationship that fail are good for practice.

The right one will be better off for your experiance.

Eric P. Martin said...

Brown Sugar,

I'm glad I came across your blog.

I believe you're right. Not only women, but men too get into their heads the ideal man or woman and wind up missing out on what they're really looking for (which is love.)They later, statistic show, end up with a relationship that ends in divorce. Not to mention, single mothers raising children by themselves.

You make mention of what he is not; Not your physical ideal, not your age, and his profession being less than desirable. Any man earning a living in this economy is a good man.

As your life progreses, your physical appearance might become less than ideal, you will eventually become older, your hair will become thinner, it will gray, and your profession, whatever that is at the moment, might not be the same as your present one.

But those things have no bearance on who you are as a person. The qualities that you find attractive in this person, the next man may not have. However, all of your ideal qualities that you look for now might be. Is that what you want to risk trading him in for?

As we all age, our availabilty in our mates start to diminish. I hope you can find a place to appreciate what you have now rather than find out later what you lost.

cinco said...

Cherish what you have now- good advice. Don't try to put a label on your relationship. It only takes a second for things to change forever. Enjoy the present because the future is not promised.

Now, after all those thoughts that I believe but don't always follow my advice is to focus on you, self happiness and perhaps what you seek will be found.

David said...

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Hey Shae! said...

I agree. Looking for love is not the move. People I know who "look for love" come back with the bottom feeders. Just stay open minded and stop closing out the people right in front of you and you just may be OK.

blackwomenblowthetrumpet.blogspot.com said...

Hi there! {waves}

I know I am off topic right now but...

I just wanted to stop by and bring "Merry Christmas" greetings!

Isaiah 9:6 (NKJV)
For unto us a Child is born, unto us a Son is given;
And the government will be upon His shoulder.
And His name will be called Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God,
Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace."

Peace, blessings and DUNAMIS!
Lisa

Sowhattiff Jenkins said...

Great (re)post! Its so true that we box ourselves in with these rigid traits that we want in a man. As I grow, I'm learning there are certain intangible traits that I am not willing to budge on. But when it come the height, weight, and shoe size type requirements...I'd be looking forever. Gotta step out of the box, because you never know what shape new like or love will take.

Heath said...

I've always followed this policy...not to 'look' for love...it should just happen,its more fun that way.

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