Wednesday, October 08, 2008

A Ho by Any Other Name...

So in the last post, "Why the Jumpoff has It Better Than Wifey," the comment section exploding with folk giving the definition of a jumpoff vs. a mistress vs. a ho. And all I could think to myself was: Whatever you want to call it...you're still The Other Woman.

You're second best.

You're getting the, "sloppy seconds."

And it also made me wonder why women so willingly participate in a system designed to solely benefit the men. Lekt's face it, in the last post the one person that generally comes out the "winner" is the man who is having his cake and eating it too.

Notice how there is no male equivalent to descriptions such as "ho," "jumpoff," and "mistress." There are no "misters," running abut, now are there. And that's simply because in the patriarchal society in which we live, sex is a winning game for me and a losing one for women.

But I digress.

I'm a little curious on why women decide to be The Other Woman.. I'm not naive. In a situation where a man was paying off my student loans, buying me a house and car in my name and putting a five-figure amount of cash in my account each month - I might be willing to get my cluck-cluck on. Who am I kidding, I would get my cluck-cluck on.

But that's not the case for most women. Most chicks are the side-piece to regular dudes. They may (and I stress may) get lunch or dinner before they get their back blown out at some sleazy motel...or creeping at the house before the spouse comes home. They're not exactly sipping Dom Perignon and staying at the Four Seasons.

So, I'm calling all mistresses to tell your story. Why are you the side-piece? What are you getting out of it? And do you not feel guilty for potentially breaking up a family? Send me your responses via e-mail (tsjohnson5@gmail.com). They can be up to 500 words. And I will post your stories, anonymously of course.

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

This sounds like it is going to be juicy! I can't wait to see what will be submitted!

IamMe Like IT-Love IT-Hate IT said...

Girl you trying to open up a can!! But I'm interested to know I'll be waiting.

Anonymous said...

what if im the other woman, but theres no sex involved? I know its still cheating, we both have some one waiting for us at home, and i just wont get down like that sleeping with him and my man..but i have been completely in love with him for years. i look forward to out monthly get aways...so what about my situation?

Ebony Intuition said...

Wow this will be very exciting to read..

ImitationAngel said...

I can't wait for this. I smell some serious drama and hard words coming from people.

ed said...

"The Other Woman" only applies to mistresses. Everyone else, like jumpoffs is just a piece of @ss.

I don't think you can easily dismiss mistresses in the same category as a jumpoff. There are plenty of stories of people who died and their mistress was able to secure part of the inheritance in a legal court of law.

I would like to see a real mistress actually write here.

Anonymous said...

And do you not feel guilty for potentially breaking up a family? WHAT??! If he doesnt feel guilty of his actions to his woman and kid(s), then why should the mistress? I've been the other woman and I can say, I came before her. He got out of HER bed to come do things for me. Do I feel bad, not really. But, I know that what goes around comes around and it came back on me...hard. Regrets, not really because it was a learning experience, but I wont do it again...after the last 2 times.

Christina said...

there have been a few advice columnists who have asked that question and I read the answers but I never quite believe them...
I think the main reason women are ok with being a side item is they just don't want a real relationship.
Relationships take work, and work is hard. As the other woman, they can pick the parts of being a girlfriend that they like and ditch the parts they don't. Also, deep down they are terrified of commitment, so they only choose men that are unavailable- they can always say 'I can't do this anymore, it's wrong' and have a get out of jail free card when being with the man becomes too much effort/trouble.

And no, they don't feel bad about "breaking up the family" because they aren't the one doing it-- it's the man that chose to run out that's doing the homewrecking, not her

Olivia said...

I posted about being the OW. It wasnt I was affraid of commitment, I just didnt have time to invest. i was in grad school and I knew i was not looking for anything or anybody to tie me to where I was living. The men (at separate times)treated me good because we already knew what the business deal was. No breach of contract, no problems. We talked about everything even down to the "bonuses" because we had nothing to lose. Now, that Im older and had a man taken by the OW, I know better. LOL! It aint cool when it happens to you. lol best lesson learned the hard way.

Anonymous said...

What's interesting is that the fruit of cheating is being dangled in my face right now. I am a black woman who knows an older white gentleman. We work at the same place and we talk for hours. He pays attention to me and that feels so good. I pay attention to him, and although he hasn't said it, his wife is too busy for him. He is relentlessly flirtatious with me and I flirt too, in jest, but he just today told me his wife was gone for the weekend. He dropped the bait, but I didn't grab it. I would love to go and have a wild and exciting weekend with him because I am attracted to him very much, but it's not worth being the other woman. I want to be "the" woman. I want more than that from a man.

Joi said...

I am looking forward to seeing all the stories.

Anonymous said...

Tyler Perry's latest movie The Family That Preys Together...need I say more.

Anonymous said...

I have been "the other woman" & all I have to say, is that you can't wreck a happy home. If the man is truly satisfied with his wife/girlfriend/ whatever, then why does he need to venture into other territory?