In the infamous Myspace Battle between Tiny and some random chick Tiny (allegedly) said the following:
"The only thing you can do is s*ck his d*ck no matter what I HAVE HIS HEART!!"
I have his heart?
What does that mean exactly?
And let's be real, Tiny isn't the only woman who subscribes to this train of thought.
It seems like when it comes to famous men, their ladies and their jumpoffs....everyone acts like the jumpoffs are the problem, that somehow if he is your man then you're the winner in the, I Got Me a Baller Sweepstakes. The reality however, is quite different. In my opinion the jumpoff is the winner, and here's why:
1. I Have His Heart. Really? So what does having his heart mean exactly? He likes you a lot? He loves you? We know it doesn't mean sexual fidelity. Does it mean he'll be there for wifey if shr's sick? She'll be there for him if he's sick? What? Does it mean that it's special when wifey sucks his dick, 'cause let's be real...she's sucking his dick too. And here's the thing...what makes wifey think he doesn't like/love the jumpoff?
2. He Takes Care of Me. Okay...but to quote T.I.'s latest joint - It ain't tricking if you got it. And anyone whose read any of Karrine's books knows that ballers don't mind dropping major cash on The Other Woman. So it doesn't seem like wifey is getting a leg up on the jumpoff in this category either. Yes, if you're married there are legal protections there...but it doesn't stop the jumpoff from getting broke off...and if she's smart, any big ticket item she gets will be in her name, so legally the wife wouldn't be able to touch them if they ended up in divorce or upon his death. So you got Louis and she's got Louis...seems like a draw to me. And if you're just the girlfriend and not the wife...well...
3. I"m the Mother of His Children. Ask Kim, Diddy's ex how well that's worked out for her. Diddy's jumpoff in Atlanta got his baby too and will be getting fat checks as well. Nuff said.
4. Quality Time. So the wifey gets quality time? She goes on vacations and other expensive trips. Sure, but so does the jumpoff. Going back to the Jumpoff Bible...Steffans went on many a expensive trip and stayed in many an expensive hotel on somebody else's man's dime. My homeboy used to do marketing and PR for some of Miami's top clubs and when D. Wade and Hoopz were dating he used to see them out and abou....his wife was at home...pregnant...with his other son.
So I ask again: How is wifey the winner in all of this? The Other Woman is doing quite nicely. She's getting money that could be spent on wifey and her kids. She's getting time that could be spent with wifey and her kids.
Presumably the jumpoff doesn't have to deal with him when he's tired, sick, injured or what not. She gets all the good times while wifey gets everything else. Wifey's home with the kids, while her man is out and about with The Other Woman.
So really, what does wifey have that the jumpoff doesn't have?
His Heart?
Yeah.
Okay.
76 comments:
Jesus H. If you ain't speaking with the God's Honest truth?!?!!
That's a great post. IT reminds me of this book I read called "When Chickenheads Come Home To Roost" by Joan Morgan (she's a feminist). But in the end, chickenheads and jumpoffs don't win. They think they are winning because of the money and fancy trips. But look at Superhead. Sure she made money airing out her dirty laundry and everyone else's, but I guarantee that she is still not stable. Mentally anyways.
@mizvirgo
What's winning? Because if the jumpoff has everything I have and he's my man...seems like I'm losing...
I am convinced this jumpoff thing only happens in Georgia. I mean, in my circle you either have a girlfriend, a wife, and/or a mistress. When I lived in Brazil it was very common to have a mistress and a wife. But the wife got the goods while the mistress took care of only the immediate necessities. You dont lace up the mistress...its a sex thing...period.
Tell the truth, girlfriend!
Very interesting and thought provoking post. I do agree the jumpoff gets most, if not everything, wifey gets, however, I personally would not want to be anybody's jumpoff just because I don't have to deal with him when he's sick and take care of his bad kids (lol), etc. Actually, if my man had a jumpoff, I wouldn't even be wifey anymore. I'd be outta there so quick his head would spin. I believe most of the wife vs. chickenhead thing lies in the respect for yourself and the respect you have as a woman. No self-respecting woman is going to settle for being The Other Woman. It's all or nothing. Not to get on my highhorse, but for a man to suggest a woman become his jumpoff is entirely disrespectful, in my opinion. And for her to decide that such a title sounds like a good idea, speaks volumes about her sense of self-worth. While she may get similar perks, he definitely doesn't respect her. And if he's running around giving away to jumpoff what could be wifey's, wifey needs to get a clue too and shuck him the dueces.
jumpoffs are the rich man's mistress
What you just described is not a jump off to me, this sounds like a mistress or side piece.
Jump offs are not entitled to big money or time.
It is a nice way of saying ho, thats all they are, if a man is spending any time with a woman out side of the time it takes to her into bed and himself out than she is a mistress.
The Jump Off is there for sex and thats it.
I use jumpoff and mistress interchangeably.
People refer to Steffans as a jumpoff but 'Neal was droping 10 large in her account every month.
So as far as I'm concerned it's just semantics...with the exception of some very stupid women...I don't know many jumpoffs who aren't getting broke off.
Side pussy is rarely free.
In the scenario that you've laid out the only winner is the rich male who is having his cake and eating it too.
Wifey = loser
Jumpoff = loser
Also, please stop basing your value system on what entertainers do. There is more to life than money and trips to nice places.
@anon
I don't base my value system on what entertainers do. I was using them as an example because it was an entertainer that inspired the post.
But I know plenty of non-entertainer males and females that operate on such a system.
Pleny of regular chicks with regular dudes ready to throw down because they found out about their man's side chick.
And how is the jumpoff a loser? I know of a woman who's married dude bought her shop so she could open her salon...put up all of the money for it.
I'd say she's a pretty big winner, he just increased her net worth and she doesn't have to deal with him when she doesn't wnat to.
He wasn't going to leave the wofe...and she didn't want him too.
You rocked that post. I personally don't know what Kim Porter's been thinking but ummm somebody needs to talk to her and Tiny. Let's exchange links.
Again, money isn't everything. She might be "winning" in the short term but in the long term she is losing.
For example, if her salon goes out of business and her married money man decides to cut off the cash flow what is she left with? Nothing. With small businesses that's a possibility as most go out of business within 5 years.
Jumpoffs are always at the mercy of someone else. That's not winning.
@Anon
What if her business becomes wildly successful (and for the record she's doing just fine)?
What if she replaces one big fish with another?
What if she's smart with her money and even if the business folded, she wasn't broke and could try again or do something else?
What about the chicks who have men who pay for their college educations (know some of them too)?
How are they losing?
How are they dependent on someone?
In what long run?
I don't place my value system on someone else. If the jump off is getting what she wants out of the relationship...who am I to tell her she's losing?
@Princess
Added you.
In my opinion they are losers. Just my opinion. If you can't see how these women are dependent or how they are losing then we're just going to have to agree to disagree. There is no sense in having a back and forth.
I would like to add that I think the male in the situation is also a loser too. It's just a big bag of emotional immaturity to me.
You took the words right out of my mouth!! When I read that mess on blog, you have his heart, so what, he still cheats and does whatever he wants, whil you keep having unprotected sex with man who is sleeping around. Are you crazy and have you heard of the disease HIV that has no cure as of yet!! But you have his heart!! WOW!!
Ummmm....the jumpoff wins only until the point that she wants to be more than a jumpoff - Now there are plenty of cutthroat women who don't have a problem disrespecting another woman, aren't worried about karma kicking their ass, and can strictly stick to the script of being a side piece.
But a LOT of women - we mean to keep it cool - but when we start to get attached, that's when you start to lose. If he's investing money and time on you then eventually you just might get attached. Especially once you consider that wifey sees him in the bad times, and ALL you get are good times. So you're thinking he's a dream guy. Well, there are going to be times when you WANT him around...and he can't come through because you are relegated to specific times only.
There will be nights when you wish you had him there to sleep beside you - but he has to be with the wife and kids at night. That's when the jumpoff loses - when she wants to move beyond that position, which is bound to happen.
BUT THIS IS A DAMN GOOD POST, JJ!!!
@DewvaDonna
There are women who catch feelings...there are also men who catch feelings...it's a messy situation that's best to be avoided.
But as far as "losers" go...the jumpoff may lose, the man may lose, but the wifey ALWAYS loses.
I just want chicks to satop saying ish like, "I have his heart" 'cause you just sound like a plum fool.
Ahaha ... great post. Bravo, my love. Bravo.
A jumpoff is not the same as a mistress. A jumpoff is nothing but a POS fan that thinks they are something special after getting hit. A mistress does have a man heart and she don't need to say it.
A mistress is a real position and essentially a second wife. A mistress goes way beyond sex and in fact, some mistresses are superior to a man wife. She can hold things down just as capable as a wife. She can even raise their kids.
The major difference between a mistress and a jumpoff is you will never hear a mistress run off the mouth as she will never let anyone know.
Definitely a winning post. No matter how people refer to the "other woman" (ho, mistress, jumpoff) she will always remain that.
"Jumpoffs" are as common as apple pie. We all have been either victims or culprits of this scheme and only the naive would think otherwise. Unfortunately it's the american way!
@ ed
I agree with you.
I have been a mistress to a man for about two years now. He sends me to college and even pays for where I stay now. Even though he does all of this I can support myself and the way I live, if I ever needed to. When he is with me I have his complete attention no cell phones, no blackberry, no computer. He is basically cut off to the whole world when he is with me(which I do not ask him to do). When we are together he treats me like his wife including all the love and affection. When I have ever needed anything he came down personally to see about me.
I said all that to say that there is a giant difference between a mistress and a jumpoff. A jumpoff would not get half as much of the emotional connection and time outside the bed room and in public as a mistress does.
Nah.....relationships. I'm sick and tired about how captivating it goes up and down so what I did was to settle down and I married my ever loving wife. I was simply lucky.
Great post , 100% true
Great post...Truthful and humorous!
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Great Post! I totally agree. On a maybe not so nice note specifically Tiny is hardly cute enough to be saying she has anybody's heart. But to your point, she has been with this man all these years and she is still just at wifey/baby mama status.
Is that TRUE???
Great article
WOW! Are you really trying to validate being a jumpoff??? Regardless of what you say that is still a sad existence...nice try though...
Ok I would hate to be somoene's side piece but I can understand where the thought comes from. Its teh same mentality many street walkers and such adapt, why not have sex for money, you're doing it anyway right?
I am someone's baby mother (I hate the term but that is a different story) and he had a jump off, several jump off and rather than pull out the score card I forfeited the game but I am pretty sure I was down a couple of points anyway. So 1st I say congrats to these woman who have found a way to "cheat" at this game and get what they want and secondly would you kindly send some of them my way. I tried doing the right thing and it only has me struggling.
@anon
No ones trying to validate being a jumpoff.
But let's be real here: the wifey is just as sad if not more so than the jumpoff.
The point is that women who claim "He's my man" when clearly he's not is really the sad existence in all of this.
Why are you having Myspace fights with the side chick and not your man?
Because youhave his heart
Come on...
The actions of the wifey and the jumpoff are both based on money. Lets' keep it real. Tiny stays with Tip because she and the kids are well taken care of. Every time I see her she is posing with another LV bag or flashing the engagement ring.
The jumpoff couldn't care less about the wifey because she get's whatever she wants. If Tip decides to leave the jumpoff, she will move on the the next victim.
I agree with one of the early post. Jumpoff's are for dudes with money to spare.....I know I can't afford one. LOL
hey JJ,
When I say "winning", I mean that in a jumpoff's mind, they got someone else's husband and/or boyfriend to pay their rent, buy them clothes, etc., screwing him, taking care of her kids, etc. And they might even go a little further and convince the guy to leave his girlfriend/wife for her. Once the guy does decide to leave the wife/girlfriend (if ever), the jumpoff thinks that she has won, but only to find out he will do the same thing to her.
Jumpoffs don't win because in the long term their va-jay-jay will end up being used goods. And what else do they have to offer? They have to learn that they are so much more than just the va-jay-jay.
The wifey doesn't fair so well either, because he might end up bringing back an STD and infecting her. And she is wifey, why hasn't he given her a ring and made it official?
The jumpoff seems to have it all in the beggining but how does it feel living a lie, coming home to an empty house he might had paid for and buying another purse with his money to cover up the deep pain you must feel about never being the official girl. The Diddy and Kim situation ask Cassie how long she could stand being the unofficial girl. Clearly he doesn't care that much about the jumpoff if he just uses you as sex and goes home to something better. But then again, the wifey is not really loved by him either because if he really loved her why would be need to be with a mistress. Its a vicious cycle with a lack of passion and security, there is no love in you, me, and she situations.
What a thought provoking post...I'm kinda going thorough a situation like this. I was asked twice in one day to be the "side piece" to two different married men. I've been the "side piece" before and it's hard not to catch feelings after spending so much time talking and being with a person. We all have choices..the man, the side piece, and the wifey but the wifey and side piece can end it all...If they don't want to deal with it leave because most side pieces are looking for some way to not get hurt- by settling for this situation they are thinking the grass is always greener when it's not and their feelings end up hurt the most.--usually.
I don't understand why she is using Tiny as an example when she made a statement saying that she did not say any of those things on her my space page. She said that someone else wrote them and that she was too classy for this and that people talk about her and TI's relationship everyday and that she could careless what other people thought about their relationship. Second of all the supposed jump off never even met TI. She is some random chick talking smack. Furthermore if you chicks would get some self esteem and stop letting negros take advantage of you then you there would be no jump off. If a man cannot come correct then you should not let him cum at all!
Dueces!
an interesting point of view. and it works on a very surface level...to an extent.
but since when can a woman sleep with/spend time with a man on a long term basis without catching feelings? (and i mean honestly--despite what that woman might say/portray to the outside world)
in the end, the jump off ends up settling. because there will always come a point where that man has to choose his wifey/child/family over her.
after that happens enough times, she'll either get fed up or settle for less than what she desrves.
Every point is sooooo true! The wifey is always talking about having his heart or the fact that he comes home to her every night...yeah he comes home to you every night, with a dirty pee-pee!
This post is so true. All of the points are well taken. It goes back to like you said, if the jump off or the wife are getting what they want, everyone wins. Keep up the great work. Love this post.
If you run a race and come in second doesn't that mean you are the number one loser. We are all speaking of the husbands jumping off but what about the wives. You see if a man finds out his woman is jumping off also he can't deal with it. That's the reason he sneaks around so the wife won't play whatz good for the goose is good for the gander games. The women he messes around with only keep him more interested in his Wife. We notice this when the the jump and mistramps bring the affair to the light the suspense is gone. And by the way yeah he's paying for your shit cuz he has AIDS and u are the only dummy to fuck him without a condom. But trust when he dies your sick ass won't collect anything or even be allowed to step foot inside the funeral home.
omg this basically made my heart jump in my stomach and my stomach jump in my ass....my longtime boyfriend is a Heavy Hitter...and this shit is scaring me.
When do women ever win?
you know the older i get, i'm convinced that the dating game is rigged against women. I went through a phase for awhile where I just didn't date, using the theory that if i do not play, i cannot lose. i may go back to that. reading posts like this that really make me think, really make me think i am better off alone.
sure it'll be lonely from time to time, but there's a lot to be said about not worrying about cheating or titles or diseases or getting preggers. i may go back on hiatus.
The only thing I can say is this: NOBODY WINS! Think about this scenario: Say the wife ends up finding out about the "Jump-Off". First and foremost, if the Wife(y)has any sense, she would leave dude's ass alone. Second: The "Jump-Off" is already a loser, because she is messing with a man that is already spoken for (or supposed to be anyway). Third, when the shit hits the fan, they all end up alone. So, therefore there is no winner. Hence the word NO-WIN SITUATION. Let it marinate for a minute.
I'm a late poster but this is an excellent article. I have mixed feeling about this because it hurts to hear that another woman does not care about being with another woman's husband. We all complain about men yet we do this. That said, I can say that I wouldn't be wifey or jump-off. I'd be getting HALF and then some. If the dick-sucking-piece-on-the-side/mistress/jump-off/wha'eva is all that, how come you're hidden from wifey? How come all three of you don't 'just get along' and live together? Hell, have some coffee at the local Starbuck together and chat about your day. Man, would I like to be a fly on that wall.
Great article once again!
Yeah Right.
Ladies, go ask YOUR man about this. A wife is a wife and a mistress is a convenience.
Any woman who convinces herself that she wins by being a mistress or a jumpoff is a fool besides.
As a mistress, you have to always be ready for sex, always have a smile on your face, always make him "feel" better than you're being told his wife does and you are on his time. If you disagree, put it to the test. Start making demands. Start putting your foot down and being true to your wants and needs, lmao.
The minute you stop being "fun" and "convenient", your ass is out.
The man does things for you as long as he wants to and to the extent that he wants to. He doesn't owe you shit.
Wife, on the other hand, is tied to his sense of self as man. How he takes care of her is tied in to something as substantial as his measure AS A MAN, so you do the math. Its not a man alive who push comes to shove wouldn't feel shame at not being able to provide a good life for his wife and family. Its not a man alive who gives a shit about "providing" a good life for his mistress if push comes to shove.
Entertainers/rich guys have not cornered the market on this. Regular old dudes have girlfriends, wives, jump offs, wifeys, "a starting five". One of the earlier posts said it best, "side pussy is never free". It's depends on how much money you have, and how much you trying to spend on the Jump off - and if she is doing her job right, she ain't asking!
-A Jump Off
At the end of the day, guys who do this really don't care about anybody but themselves. The wife and public can be upset at the "Jump Off" but at the end of the day, this is something she was cool with so the "Jump Off" is winning. Her job is to be what the wife ain't, most people think a "Jump Off" is waiting for a "promotion" to take the wife's place - and if she has any since that is the last place she wants to be. There are some situations where a "Jump Off" can get the brotha's last name, but when she takes the man's name she takes the man's problems - that is the only time the "Jump Off" can become a loser, but at that point she will have been promoted to the wife - thereby making the wife the loser. Then there is this whole -ish hits the fan idea. At the end of the day women do this to be able to say they have a man. Believe me, a man with a wife and a "Jump Off" has a whole team waiting in the wings. If the wife leaves and the "Jump-Off" doesn't get promoted then he is looking for his next wife. In most cases the "Jump Off" can never be promoted to the wife. So she plays her position WELL. Some men have the same "Jump Off" for as long if not longer than they have been married.
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