So I've been watching Essence's 30 Dates in 30 Days. I won't comment on Essence continuing to feed into the, "Black women are so desperate and they can't think of anyting else but how to get a man," message that seems to be everywhere these days. But I will say the show offers a good case study on dating and what some (many) Black women are doing wrong (and what we're doing right) when it comes to trying to find Mr. Right.
The first mistake I see being made by the women who've completed their dates is s common problem among all women (men too) thanks to Hollywood movies and Western ideals of love: The reliance on Chemistry
On all of the dates women kept talking about Chemistry. How they had Chemistry with this guy or didn't have it with that guy. And the women were using, "Chemistry" to determine whether a guy was worthy of a second date.
Trying to determine whether or not you have chemistry with someone after a first date is just silly. Chemistry is not an instant thing. Sometimes it needs room to grow but if you're quick to dismiss a guy because you didn't get the warm and fuzzes after your first date you could be missing out.
AND just because you have Chemistry with someone doesn't mean they are the best fit for you. You have to be able to look past those initial butterflies and really be able to asses the man and see if what he's offering is truly what you want and need. You can't base a decision on who to get involved with simply on "He makes me feel all tingly inside." To do so is to possibly overlook the guy who is truly your perfect match.
Next: Knowing when to move on