Ah Hell, Now I...

...don't know what to do. GH gives me this, well I call it his manifesto, but it is a letter that basically explains why he is the way he is when it comes to relationships. And it's touching and poignant and I don't know what the hell to do about it. When I say "what to do about it" I mean how to react.

On one hand, the manifesto (that's what I'm calling it damnit) confirms a lot of what I thought about him and enlightens me on the "why" of things. On the other hand, I don't think I'm the only one who got one of these manifesto's, so it means that perhaps where it says "you" it's not me but whoever else happens to be reading the letter. Or it could just be a generic "you" referencing all of the women in his past, present and future.

I'm glad he gave it to me. Hell that was pretty damn brave handing over such a personal and soul bearing piece to anyone, let alone my sarcastic, abrasive, no holds bars, ass. Then again I did give him a letter that basically said, "All bullshit aside I know you're the man for me." Which, all bullshit aside, I know that he is.

But now what? The manifesto essentially asserts that he's damaged goods but a work in progress and he doesn't expect me (or her or the generic you) to sit around and wait for him to be ready. I agree with that. As much as I care for GH, I realize I can't put my life on hold hoping that he "comes around." I know that. I recognize that. But once again I say, "Now what?"

Does this mean I sleep with him again? I mean the letter is one long apology that says:

"Hey I know I disappeared on you for a month and I'm a jackass for it but any time I get to too close to a woman I go running for the hills, 'cause I think I'm going to hurt her."

To which I reply:

"Hey, funny you mention that because I do the same thing too, so I don't really see a need to hold it against you and now that I know what I'm dealing with things don't seem so bad."

But the flip side of that is:

"Just because you are damaged doesn't mean you get a free pass to mistreat me. That's not okay."

So...now what?

And more importantly: Do I sleep with him?