I Can't Sleep

I'm not sure why. I just can't. A lot on my mind I guess. Felt tired before I laid down...not so much now. My feelings are still hurt I guess. Well I don't guess I know. And this big empty bed of mine is of no use when I know there is no one to fill it. Where is a twin bed when you need it? At least then I wouldn't feel like there's all this extra room just waiting to be filled.

Hell, I haven't felt this bad since my college break up and then I got super slim and was in the best shape of my life. That definitely hasn't happened here but I'm working on it. For whatever reasons it is 10x harder to lose weight then it ever was before. Chalk it up to age or the baby or whatever but I've been having the most impossible time losing any weight.

I realize though it might be because I'm skipping meals. Not intentionally but class, time, laziness and I may go 6+ hours at a time without a meal. Not good. That and I'll get upset or bored and then binge on something I don't need to eat. Not good either.

However I've been looking up diets and menus and the whole nine and the only thing that seems to make since and doesn't involve me completely changing my life is the "French Women Don't Get Fat" model of eating. Basically it just means eat often, in courses and ENJOY your food. Don't battle with it. Sit down, have a meal, turn off the TV....enjoy. No eating while standing, walking or riding and split your meals up. Overall when you eat in courses you actually eat less. So I'm going to try that. Or basically eat like I did when I was pregnant: Small meals around the clock. I was eating every 2 to 3 hours but never anything big. It worked after I had the baby I was down to 130lbs...too small for my liking but small none the less.

But yeah these extra 20lbs have to come off. It's time for a change. On a lot of levels. My weight just seems like the most natural place to start.