Calling All Mistresses, Jumpoffs and Other Women

Update: I'm going to accept submissions for the next 2 weeks. Submissions will remain open until Oct. 21. So keep them coming. I'm going to keep this post at the top of the blog for the next 2 weeks. Just scroll past to get to the most recent articles.

As I mentioned in the last post:

I'm calling all mistresses to tell your story. Why are you the side-piece? What are you getting out of it? And do you not feel guilty for potentially breaking up a family? Send me your responses via e-mail (tsjohnson5@gmail.com). They can be up to 500 words. And I will post your stories, anonymously of course.

I've already received a few submissions. I'd like more. Depending on how many I receive I will post them once or twice a week over a period of a 2 weeks to a month. So don't be shy. I really want to hear the stories of women who make their lives (or made their lives) with someone else's man.

Some of you have talked briefly about your situations in the comment section. If you're so inclined just shoot me an email with the rest of your story. I look forward to the submissions.

A Ring? Try Put a Title On It.

So I wrote Tell him to "Put a Ring On It," and some of the comments I received from men were beyond mind-blowing. Some of my favorites:

Thats's bad advice. Never put the pressure on a man early in the relationship by bringing up marriage or titles. When he's ready you both will know. Come on ladies don't be fast and find yourself by yourself.

and

Why can't women just be cool with the situation at hand?? If he isn't going anywhere, and he makes you happy, why do you need a title?? Once you get past the whole dating thing and you know that you are together, the just have fun with the situation for what it is. IF he wants to pop the question then it should be nothing to say yes, because you are enjoying your time with him!!

Couple this with Belle, over at A Belle in Brooklyn (an absolutely fabulous blog that I think EVERYONE should read) is having relationship problems because she wants a "title" (i.e. Girlfriend) and he doesn't. He say's he's not ready for a relationship, even though by all accounts that's what they have.

And finally, a relative of mine has been in a "relationship" with a young man for almost a year now and he still refuses to call her his girlfriend even though recently told her that he :loves her," very much and that he isn't "checking for any other woman."

Right.

So what's the problem?

Here I am writing about telling your guy to "put a ring on it," and it seems like I need to be telling ladies to tell their men to "put a title on it."

Let's be real, if you can't get a man to put a title on it, how in the hell are you ever going to get him to put a ring on it?

I call this scenario the "Pseudo-relationship" with the "Not-boyfriend." Pseudo because you're in a relationship in almost every way but name and Not-boyfriend because...well...he's not your boyfriend.

What I'm really scratching my head to figure out is how did women allow this situation to develop? Why have we, do we, allow these relationships to occur?

I get the man side of this. It's the perfect set-up. You get to have the exclusivity of having a girlfriend but without any of the commitment, because let's face it...the difference between calling a chick your "friend" and your "girlfriend," is how you view your commitment to her.

It's the same thing with the difference between (most) co-habiting couples and married couples. The married couples have taken a firm commitment to each other. The co-habiting couples tend to be there on a "try and see" basis.

However, for women, these low-commitment relationships rarely work. I know for me if I'm not your girlfriend then I'm dating other people. I don't agree to any sort of exclusivity. Don't even ask. if you want exclusive with me then you definitely need to put a title on it.

And every woman I know in one of these pseudo-relationships is rarely truly happy with the situation. Most want a title but they agree because they really care for the guy and he's somehow convinced him that, though he's not ready now, he will be someday.

Someday.

The reality is however, someday isn't likely to come. Just as the co-habiting couple rarely turns to marriage, the pseudo relationship rarely turns into a full relationship. I've seen many a damaged woman form the pseudo-relationship gone wrong....myself included...and we weren't even exclusive.

It's just a bad deal. Why put up with the drama of a relationship, the ups and downs, the possible (and likely) heartbreak if you don't even have a firm commitment from the guy you're involved with?

I believe a woman is selling herself short if what she wants is a relationship and instead she settles for this poor substitute. Like I said in the last post: If you want a relationship get/have a relationship. Your wants, needs and desires shouldn't be held up because some man in your life isn't ready. If he's not ready...move on...let him know to hit you up when he is...and hope you're not already taken.

Colin Powell Endorses Barack Obama...So What.

It's all over the wires today that Colin Powell has endorsed Barack Obama. My inital reaction to said news is: so what. Who cares. Colin Powell lost all of his credibility when he allowed Jr.'s Administration to trade on his good name and go lie to the UN about the non-existent weapons of mass destruction that Saddam didn't have.

And after they had him do their lying, they treated him like a house nigger where all he could do was say "yes Master," 'cause they damn sure wasn't listening to anything he had to say. They shut him out and he allowed that foolishness.

And while I will be voting for Obama, I feel his politics fall into the same "safe Negro" vein as Powell's. At least Powell had the balls to talk about affirmative action at the RNC back in the day. Obama gave classes on how affirmative action wasn't the best of ideas. Let's just say I'm not holding my breath for Obama to do anything that would directly benefit Black folks in this country.

I'll settle for the symbolism that having a Black man in the White House offers...'cause that's bout all a Black girl is gonna get.