Friday, October 24, 2008

Throwback Fridays: Isley Brothers - Voyage to Atlantis

Jennifer Hudson's Mom Found Shot to Death


From E! Online:

Sources confirm to E! News that Jennifer Hudson's mother, 57-year-old Darnelle Donerson, was found dead Friday afternoon in a house on the South Side of Chicago listed in Darnelle's name.

Officer John Mirabelli of the Chicago Police Department tells E! that officers were called to the 7000 block of Yale Avenue in the neighborhood of Englewood, where just before 3 p.m. they discovered two unresponsive adults—one male, one female—who had apparently been shot to death.

The shooting is believed to be domestic, according to police. Various reports are claiming that the other victim was Hudson's older brother, Jason Hudson.

Jesus.

Our prayers go out to Jennifer Hudson and her family.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

So What If The O-Man Doesn't Win?

Today is the day of the Devil's Advocate.

What if the O-Man doesn't win?

While these days it seems less likely to happen (Bradley Effect is worth 6 percentage points, he's leading by 10 in most recent polls) anything is possible as we have learned from our most recent elections.

And ultimately, he's still Black.

And this is still America.

So, since passions are inflamed on both sides of the political spectrum and the Obamites are some of the worst (God forbid if yu don't think Obama is the second coming of FDR, Christ or Michael Jackson circa Thriller) is anyone prepared for the possibility that their guy might not win?

I don't really have a dog in this race. I'm not voting for McCain so there you have it. I've always thought Obama was too conservative for my liking, shuck and jive's a little too much for the white folk, and a little too dismissive of the Black plight in this country, but liek I said...I'm not voting for McCain.

And not only that, but whoever gets the current mess really has his hands full. Obama may surprise me. He may turn into FDR once he's in office. He may really make some real change that is desperately needed to get this country on track (notice I didn't say back on track). But I'm not holding my breath.

Anyway...once again I ask...if you'r guy doesn't win..what are you going to do?

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Quote of the Day

The bonds of matrimony are like any other bonds - they mature slowly.
- Peter De Vries

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Calling All Mistresses, Jumpoffs and Other Women


Update: I'm going to accept submissions for the next 2 weeks. Submissions will remain open until Oct. 21. So keep them coming. I'm going to keep this post at the top of the blog for the next 2 weeks. Just scroll past to get to the most recent articles.

As I mentioned in the last post:

I'm calling all mistresses to tell your story. Why are you the side-piece? What are you getting out of it? And do you not feel guilty for potentially breaking up a family? Send me your responses via e-mail (tsjohnson5@gmail.com). They can be up to 500 words. And I will post your stories, anonymously of course.

I've already received a few submissions. I'd like more. Depending on how many I receive I will post them once or twice a week over a period of a 2 weeks to a month. So don't be shy. I really want to hear the stories of women who make their lives (or made their lives) with someone else's man.

Some of you have talked briefly about your situations in the comment section. If you're so inclined just shoot me an email with the rest of your story. I look forward to the submissions.

A Ring? Try Put a Title On It.

So I wrote Tell him to "Put a Ring On It," and some of the comments I received from men were beyond mind-blowing. Some of my favorites:

Thats's bad advice. Never put the pressure on a man early in the relationship by bringing up marriage or titles. When he's ready you both will know. Come on ladies don't be fast and find yourself by yourself.

and

Why can't women just be cool with the situation at hand?? If he isn't going anywhere, and he makes you happy, why do you need a title?? Once you get past the whole dating thing and you know that you are together, the just have fun with the situation for what it is. IF he wants to pop the question then it should be nothing to say yes, because you are enjoying your time with him!!

Couple this with Belle, over at A Belle in Brooklyn (an absolutely fabulous blog that I think EVERYONE should read) is having relationship problems because she wants a "title" (i.e. Girlfriend) and he doesn't. He say's he's not ready for a relationship, even though by all accounts that's what they have.

And finally, a relative of mine has been in a "relationship" with a young man for almost a year now and he still refuses to call her his girlfriend even though recently told her that he :loves her," very much and that he isn't "checking for any other woman."

Right.

So what's the problem?

Here I am writing about telling your guy to "put a ring on it," and it seems like I need to be telling ladies to tell their men to "put a title on it."

Let's be real, if you can't get a man to put a title on it, how in the hell are you ever going to get him to put a ring on it?

I call this scenario the "Pseudo-relationship" with the "Not-boyfriend." Pseudo because you're in a relationship in almost every way but name and Not-boyfriend because...well...he's not your boyfriend.

What I'm really scratching my head to figure out is how did women allow this situation to develop? Why have we, do we, allow these relationships to occur?

I get the man side of this. It's the perfect set-up. You get to have the exclusivity of having a girlfriend but without any of the commitment, because let's face it...the difference between calling a chick your "friend" and your "girlfriend," is how you view your commitment to her.

It's the same thing with the difference between (most) co-habiting couples and married couples. The married couples have taken a firm commitment to each other. The co-habiting couples tend to be there on a "try and see" basis.

However, for women, these low-commitment relationships rarely work. I know for me if I'm not your girlfriend then I'm dating other people. I don't agree to any sort of exclusivity. Don't even ask. if you want exclusive with me then you definitely need to put a title on it.

And every woman I know in one of these pseudo-relationships is rarely truly happy with the situation. Most want a title but they agree because they really care for the guy and he's somehow convinced him that, though he's not ready now, he will be someday.

Someday.

The reality is however, someday isn't likely to come. Just as the co-habiting couple rarely turns to marriage, the pseudo relationship rarely turns into a full relationship. I've seen many a damaged woman form the pseudo-relationship gone wrong....myself included...and we weren't even exclusive.

It's just a bad deal. Why put up with the drama of a relationship, the ups and downs, the possible (and likely) heartbreak if you don't even have a firm commitment from the guy you're involved with?

I believe a woman is selling herself short if what she wants is a relationship and instead she settles for this poor substitute. Like I said in the last post: If you want a relationship get/have a relationship. Your wants, needs and desires shouldn't be held up because some man in your life isn't ready. If he's not ready...move on...let him know to hit you up when he is...and hope you're not already taken.

Colin Powell Endorses Barack Obama...So What.


It's all over the wires today that Colin Powell has endorsed Barack Obama. My inital reaction to said news is: so what. Who cares. Colin Powell lost all of his credibility when he allowed Jr.'s Administration to trade on his good name and go lie to the UN about the non-existent weapons of mass destruction that Saddam didn't have.

And after they had him do their lying, they treated him like a house nigger where all he could do was say "yes Master," 'cause they damn sure wasn't listening to anything he had to say. They shut him out and he allowed that foolishness.

And while I will be voting for Obama, I feel his politics fall into the same "safe Negro" vein as Powell's. At least Powell had the balls to talk about affirmative action at the RNC back in the day. Obama gave classes on how affirmative action wasn't the best of ideas. Let's just say I'm not holding my breath for Obama to do anything that would directly benefit Black folks in this country.

I'll settle for the symbolism that having a Black man in the White House offers...'cause that's bout all a Black girl is gonna get.

Friday, October 17, 2008

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Quote of the Day

Blacks are more willing to tap dance and shuck and jive for money, then to stand up and have pride in themselves. EVERY black person, no matter how poor or rich has a part to play. Only jiggaboos come up in life and not help anyone else.

I love to see shit like Pacman and Vick, the white man give you all that money, and you think you some kind God, being un-touchable and shit. But you not, because as soon as you do some dumb shit, it’s all gone. NO matter how much whitey give you, You taping on his terms.

The only way to total freedom is do your own, support your own, buy from your own, create with your own, marry your own, and live and die protecting your own.

I guess if Harriett Tubman was only for herself, she never would have risked her life all those times, sneaking dumb ass niggas thru the underground railroad.

Blacks were taught to be seperate since slavery. White people let you see that you only good for entertaining them. And what do Black ass niggas do, strive to be rappers and athletes. Try doing something that isnt about making white people money off of you. Behind every rich nigga, is an even richer white person.

Each One, Teach One….. Big Up Jim Brown, Preach

- Nina on Jim Brown's take on today's athletes

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Tell Him to "Put a Ring On It"

Up in the club (club), we just broke up (up) I'm doing my own little thing You decided to dip (dip), but now you want to trip (trip) Cause another brother noticed me I'm up on him (him), he up on me (me) Don't pay him any attention Cause I cried my tears (tears), for three good years (years) You can't be mad at me

[Chorus]
Cause if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it Don't be mad once you see that *he* want it If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it

And so goes Beyonce's Single Ladies (Put a Ring On It). And while I believe Beyonce needs to go sit down some where and take a break...she has a point.

How many of you ladies out their hollering you want to get married are telling your men to "Put a ring on it?"

A few questions:

How many of you are with men who you know don't want to be married. Ever. Or better yet simply don't want to be married to you, yet you stay with him anyway hoping to change his mind?

How many of you have men who you have been with 2+ years and you want to get married, but every time you bring it up he changes the topic? Or he keeps saying it will happen...one day...but they day never seems to come?

How many of you have men you've been with for awhile but are to afraid to bring up the subject of marriage for fear that it will scare him off and he will leave you?
How many?

See, too many women who should be telling a brother to "put a ring on it," are too afraid to do so. Instead, they are staying with men hoping, praying, wishing, that the man will come to his senses and propose, so they can live happily ever after.

Listen up ladies
: There's nothing wrong with telling a brother that marriage is what you want and expect. As a matter of fact, if you're serious about getting married, then you better tell a brother that that's what you want or you'll find yourself with a boyfriend for eight years, a couple of babies and no ring on your finger.

You can talk to me all day long about the numbers, but it seems to me too many women are willing to hold on to any man just to say they have one and are too willing to compromise their wants, needs and desires just to keep one.

How many of you actually date marriage minded men?

How many of you ask a guy before you get involved with him what he is looking for...whether he is looking for something casual or something more serious?

If you did ask, how many of you listened to what he told you? Or did you say, "I can change his mind," if he told you he was just looking for something casual?
How many?

At some point Black women are going to have to take responsibility for their lack of marriage. We all know the problems. It's time we start focusing on solutions. You want to get married, then you need to date marriage minded men.

You need to ask a guy what he's looking for early on, so you know if this guy is looking for something serious or something casual. If it's casual and that's not what you want then you need to move on. Stop believing you can change a man's mind.

If you've been with a guy for awhile and you want to know where the relationship is going...you need to ask. If he doesn't give you the answer you want to hear, then leave. Relationships are about compatibility. If you want to get married and he doesn't, then you're not compatible. It really is that simple.

Sisters need to stop selling themselves short and giving up their power to the men in their lives. There's nothing wrong with telling a man to "Put a ring on it." And if he balks at the idea., find someone who will. Life's too short to wait on someone who doesn't want you.

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Yes, I know I'm Late With it....



Well, I've never been much of a fan of Ms. Brazille's politics...but she's spot on on this one. I'm working on a post that will talk about the fear among (amongst?) a certain group of White people that the (half) Black man will become presiden, McCain's rallies have turned into Klan rallies damn near. But Brazille did a good job here of explaining why the hate is so unfounded and how she refuses to tolerate such foolishness.

Bravo Ms. brazille.

Bravo.

Thanks Doc.

Friday, October 10, 2008

Throwback Fridays: New Edition - Candy Girl

Quote of the Day

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
- Fred Allen

Thursday, October 09, 2008

Quote of the Day

Action is the foundational key to all success.
- Pablo Picasso

Wednesday, October 08, 2008

A Ho by Any Other Name...

So in the last post, "Why the Jumpoff has It Better Than Wifey," the comment section exploding with folk giving the definition of a jumpoff vs. a mistress vs. a ho. And all I could think to myself was: Whatever you want to call it...you're still The Other Woman.

You're second best.

You're getting the, "sloppy seconds."

And it also made me wonder why women so willingly participate in a system designed to solely benefit the men. Lekt's face it, in the last post the one person that generally comes out the "winner" is the man who is having his cake and eating it too.

Notice how there is no male equivalent to descriptions such as "ho," "jumpoff," and "mistress." There are no "misters," running abut, now are there. And that's simply because in the patriarchal society in which we live, sex is a winning game for me and a losing one for women.

But I digress.

I'm a little curious on why women decide to be The Other Woman.. I'm not naive. In a situation where a man was paying off my student loans, buying me a house and car in my name and putting a five-figure amount of cash in my account each month - I might be willing to get my cluck-cluck on. Who am I kidding, I would get my cluck-cluck on.

But that's not the case for most women. Most chicks are the side-piece to regular dudes. They may (and I stress may) get lunch or dinner before they get their back blown out at some sleazy motel...or creeping at the house before the spouse comes home. They're not exactly sipping Dom Perignon and staying at the Four Seasons.

So, I'm calling all mistresses to tell your story. Why are you the side-piece? What are you getting out of it? And do you not feel guilty for potentially breaking up a family? Send me your responses via e-mail (tsjohnson5@gmail.com). They can be up to 500 words. And I will post your stories, anonymously of course.

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

My Other Blogs


1. Homecoming Workout Plan Day 1 - Sweet Potato Pie

2. The "I'm Gonna @#$% the Hell Out of You" Playlist - t-time

3. Threat of Martial Law If Bailout Didn't Pass - Sex and Politics

4. Taraji P. Henson, Tyler Perry, Engaged? - Black Cinema

Quote of the Day

I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.
- Bill Cosby

Sunday, October 05, 2008

Why the Jumpoff Has It Better Than Wifey


In the infamous Myspace Battle between Tiny and some random chick Tiny (allegedly) said the following:

"The only thing you can do is s*ck his d*ck no matter what I HAVE HIS HEART!!"

I have his heart?

What does that mean exactly?

And let's be real, Tiny isn't the only woman who subscribes to this train of thought.

It seems like when it comes to famous men, their ladies and their jumpoffs....everyone acts like the jumpoffs are the problem, that somehow if he is your man then you're the winner in the, I Got Me a Baller Sweepstakes. The reality however, is quite different. In my opinion the jumpoff is the winner, and here's why:

1. I Have His Heart. Really? So what does having his heart mean exactly? He likes you a lot? He loves you? We know it doesn't mean sexual fidelity. Does it mean he'll be there for wifey if shr's sick? She'll be there for him if he's sick? What? Does it mean that it's special when wifey sucks his dick, 'cause let's be real...she's sucking his dick too. And here's the thing...what makes wifey think he doesn't like/love the jumpoff?

2. He Takes Care of Me. Okay...but to quote T.I.'s latest joint - It ain't tricking if you got it. And anyone whose read any of Karrine's books knows that ballers don't mind dropping major cash on The Other Woman. So it doesn't seem like wifey is getting a leg up on the jumpoff in this category either. Yes, if you're married there are legal protections there...but it doesn't stop the jumpoff from getting broke off...and if she's smart, any big ticket item she gets will be in her name, so legally the wife wouldn't be able to touch them if they ended up in divorce or upon his death. So you got Louis and she's got Louis...seems like a draw to me. And if you're just the girlfriend and not the wife...well...

3. I"m the Mother of His Children. Ask Kim, Diddy's ex how well that's worked out for her. Diddy's jumpoff in Atlanta got his baby too and will be getting fat checks as well. Nuff said.

4. Quality Time. So the wifey gets quality time? She goes on vacations and other expensive trips. Sure, but so does the jumpoff. Going back to the Jumpoff Bible...Steffans went on many a expensive trip and stayed in many an expensive hotel on somebody else's man's dime. My homeboy used to do marketing and PR for some of Miami's top clubs and when D. Wade and Hoopz were dating he used to see them out and abou....his wife was at home...pregnant...with his other son.

So I ask again: How is wifey the winner in all of this? The Other Woman is doing quite nicely. She's getting money that could be spent on wifey and her kids. She's getting time that could be spent with wifey and her kids.

Presumably the jumpoff doesn't have to deal with him when he's tired, sick, injured or what not. She gets all the good times while wifey gets everything else. Wifey's home with the kids, while her man is out and about with The Other Woman.

So really, what does wifey have that the jumpoff doesn't have?

His Heart?

Yeah.

Okay.

Thursday, October 02, 2008

Quote of the Day

Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
- Mae West

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

Quote of the Day

Bitterness is like cancer. It eats upon the host. But anger is like fire. It burns it all clean.
- Maya Angelou

Why Weddings Make Me Itch

I was watching TLC's Say Yes to the Dress and was horrified as I watched someone send $27,300 on her wedding dress.

Her wedding dress.

On Say Yes to the Dress I've seen teachers and secretaries have dress budgets in the $7,000 to $10,000 range. And while I'm sure some people save for their wedding before they get married, I'd put quite a bit of money on th fact, that, for most of these folk the dress and wedding are going on credit.

People go into massive debt for one day. One day. Women spend ungodly sums of money for a dress they will wear once. Once. And all of this hoopla for you to celebrate the day you marry the man you're more than likely going to divorce.

Okay that was mean.

But with the average wedding today costing $29,000 and with your average couple going over their budget by 50%, I'm just at a lost at why you spend so much money on the beginning of your relationship.

I can see you dropping major cash for a ten or twenty year anniversary, but just to say "I do?"

I don't think so.

Barring you being fabulously wealthy, there is just no need to drop that kinda cash on your wedding day. You could take that $29,000 and use it as a down payment on a house or start a college fund for your future kids...or hell, pay off your debt. This is America. Most everybody has debt.

But to put yourself into more debt at the beginning of your relationship when money is the number one reason for divorce in this country...well...that's just stupid.

Personally, I never wanted a big wedding.

As a kid I was planning what my corporate offices were going to look like, not what my wedding was going to look like. And to this day I don't understand what the big hoopla is about for the "special day."

Unless I marry (assuming I get married) a really wealthy guy who has $29,000 to blow on a wedding, I won't be having a big wedding. Hell, possibly no wedding at all. Just elope and have a really big reception for everyone when we get back.

Simple.

And cheap.

The thought of doing anything more...spending $29,000 on my wedding day...just makes me itch.