Love is the word used to label the sexual excitement of the young, the habituation of the middle-aged, and the mutual dependence of the old.
- John Ciardi
Monday, August 04, 2008
So how soon is too soon for sex in a relationship?
This is a question that women constantly agonize over. In a world that's still quick to label a woman who falls out of accepted sexual norms, many women are still weary of "getting their numbers up."
Well, my short answer to this question is whatever seems right for you. Having sex with someone is an intensely personal decision. You need to feel comfortable with your decision and only do what seems like the right decision for you.
Now with that said I'll tell you the rules I live my life by:
1. When a girl just wants to have fun. There really isn't a right time or wrong time in this scenario. If I like you and you like me and we're on the same page--then all systems go. Suit up and enjoy the ride so to speak.
2. Looking for a relationship. I've got a pretty solid (at least) two month rule. Usually at the two month mark you have at least 3 or 4 dates under your belt and you have a pretty good idea of who the person is. You know whether you all have enough in common to make a relationship work, whether there is something that should keep you from dating him or hell just whether you even like the guy as much as you thought.
Rarely has my two month rule failed me. And unfortunately for a lot of men have aided in my decision to keep my panties on. The other thing is, no matter how great the relationship is, there is no sex unless we end up together.
Otherwise you end up in what I like to call a pseudo-relationship, ya'll together in everything but name only, yet dude is giving you fifty-elven excuses about why ya'll are not "official." Oh, but he reserves the right to be mad if he finds out you're seeing someone else.
No thank you. I'll pass.
In the end. How you decided to navigate the sexual waters is up to you, but make sure it's you do so in a way that works for you and your needs, wants and desires and not because you feel pressured into doing something to make someone else feel good.