Thursday, October 25, 2007
A German study shows what we all know but what we rarely want to admit.
Science is confirming what most women know: When given the choice for a mate, men go for good looks.
And guys won't be surprised to learn that women are much choosier about partners than they are.
"Just because people say they're looking for a particular set of characteristics in a mate, someone like themselves, doesn't mean that is what they'll end up choosing," Peter M. Todd, of the cognitive science program at Indiana University, Bloomington, said in a telephone interview.
The study goes on to say that women are much choosier about their mates and very aware of their attractiveness and how it relates to their choices in men.
Women's actual choices, like men's, did not reflect their stated preferences, but they made more discriminating choices, the researchers found.
The scientists said women were aware of the importance of their own attractiveness to men, and adjusted their expectations to select the more desirable guys.
"Women made offers to men who had overall qualities that were on a par with the women's self-rated attractiveness. They didn't greatly overshoot their attractiveness," Todd said, "because part of the goal for women is to choose men who would stay with them."
But, he added, "they didn't go lower. They knew what they could get and aimed for that level."
To read the rest of the article click in the sidebar under "Articles." How does this study pertain to Black women? Well, if you're smart you'd take what it says to heart and act accordingly. I know that sounds a little harsh but it is what it is.
This isn't the only study that confirms something we all know but don't want to admit: Looks matter and no amount of wishing otherwise is going to change that. So what do I suggest?
1. 50 - 60% of Black women are overweight or obese. If I fell into that category (and I do) I do what it takes to get fit and healthy.
2. Always look your best when you're out. You never know who you're gonna meet. Instead of going out in those old sewats and raggedy t-shirts with the poorly done pony tail try the cute sweatsuit, sleek ponytail and a touch of lip gloss. Yeah it sounds 1950-ish but last I checked they actually got married back then.
3. Take care of yourself. That includes steps 1 and 2 but it also means finding time to relax, de-stress, making sure you're healthy, going for your check ups, facials, manis, pedis (if you can afford them, if not do it yourself) and just all around doing what you can to make sure you're as physically attractive to the opposite sex as possible.
Remember you can be right or you can win. Wanting someone to love you for your insides is great. But they'll never get to know you if your outside isn't what it should be.
Rule #3: Pay attention to the signs and act accordingly.
About a year ago I met a guy at a night club. It was really dark so I didn't really know what he looked like but I new he was short, dark and had a nice body. Anyway he asks for my number and I'm like, "what the heck."
Fast forward about a month and I get a phone call from a number I don't recognize. i answer and it's the guy from the club. He says he was going through his phone, saw the number and decided to call before he deleted it. So we talk for about an hour and have a FABULOUS conversation. This pops off two months of dating. But almost immediately I recognize something isn't right.
Dude has fly clothes, a fly ride, made it rain in the club and ALWAYS drank top shelf, just basically spent money like it was going out of style....with no job. Yeah he was a student and he could have been living off of financial aid (his dad provided no support) but he ws driving a 2007 Charger fully loaded. Things didn't add up. Add to that that anytime I asked him about work he got real mum. He was very open abut everything else but that.
So while we had a god time things never went anywhere. We hung out but I never let it go further then that because I figured dude was dealing or doing something illegal for him to be living the big life as a (broke) jobless college student.
I could have easily overlooked that and just paid attention to the fact that we had a great time together and he was an IBM (ideal Black Man): Fine, college educated, single and no kids. And then acted all shocked and amazed when down the line I find out he's dealing or up to other shady activities.
This is what I mean when I say, "Signs are everywhere and to act accordingly." It's so easy to overlook OBVIOUS signs that a person or a relationship isn't right for you. Women, especially Black women, can be so happy to have a man or to have found their ideal man that they overlook what should be red flags about who a person is and how they relate to you.
Don't overlook the signs...good or bad...because ultimately not paying attention to the obvious can cost you dearly.
Knowing When to Move On
Knowing When to Move on Pt. 2